Farmer needed a break, which means he wants to get his average up and have me take all the shit for throwing all you guys and gals under the bus. You know what that is fine with me, the more the merrier I always say. Ask Farmer, that’s 100% true. If we are going to party, let’s party, best parties the doctor has ever been at have had 100s of people, some of them have also had 5-6, but those rare gems are the exception not the rule. You want to get loose and have a lot of fun, gather a bunch of like minded folks, sprinkle in whatever makes them have a good time then cut the brake cables, here are Farmer and Thunder heading to the lanes. Thunder, as usual, is driving:
Jesus, no wonder those guys are 3-4, snorting soap and drinking your pregnant sister’s urine always leads to a rough night. #realTALK!
So, doc has got early and late tonight and guess what:
I’m your huckleberry.
LOS (5-3) -13 versus Tats and Tits (0-7): T&T almost pulled a big upset last week. I have no clue who they played, or if what I wrote is true, but it sounds right. Got a lot of updates from field reports while on vacation last week, but most of them came through on brown to black out from too much vacationing so ya know……. Stiffy texted me after his first 200 of the year (205) went like this:
“No big deal, 205 tonight while beating Fake Tuesday team YB2, not my first won’t be my last, I am now averaging 163.6, what are you 141.3, man, what a loser!!! Well guess what loser? Now I have a 200 and you don’t you miserable, fucking, piece of shit! Hope your vacation is going well, miss you bro.”
I responded: “Who is this?”
He responded: “Dude, the bag-man, man, where do you want us to go?”
That’s how you know when patterns suck 200 guys are psyched to be 160 guys ad looking to shit on 140 guys, that said that’s the way of the LOS, they show T&T little to know respect, go about their business while having an all out blast with one of most fun teams in league, I’d say that if T&T was 7-0, LOS says the passing of LOS was much premature we will see you in the playoffs. T&T says there are playoffs? Then at the Bowling Ball like they do every year one of my favorite couples outside of Ali-Bubba and Tilt, E and Brandy, Coco and Natro, Hollywood and Rotini, me and Farmer, Tron and Pineapple, Hungus ad Slow, the list encompasses all because as Roy Munson once say famously said, “This is like our Cheers, but way cooler!”, yeah one of my favs Red Empire and Rubbys dance to their wedding song:
When I finish writing a matchup I literally have no idea who I picked:
Farmer get off Salad dude, he is going to end up being Gus. Salad was a great addition, didn’t match up with the pattern that season, my God do I know the feeling, oh peaches:
Holy hell, I just realized that was the end of the first early line, tonight is gonna suck and 120s on Thursday.
DHD (4-4) -12 versus Lion’s Den (2-5): How are DHD 4-4, and how are Lion’s Den a respectable 2-5 after what happened to them in the offseason. These poor guys got reverse Cheddared, but I get it, I did 2 v 2 with Hungus, it gave me a chance to win and him a chance to lose. I gave Das the hook up on a sweet spot last night as she had a cute little baby on board, which led the Doctor to giving up his spot for SouthPaw who I was holding it for then I ended up out on the street. Speaking of ending up out on the street that’s where Mokkiki is going to be if he doesn’t start providing Mr. Florida with some help. Mr. FL has been a great addition, cousin, Jem and Zander are rolling okay, but DHD will prove to much for them. It’s surprising DHD sits at .500, but they have faced a number of Banner League teams. Here is Kingpin after the match feeling reflective:
Touch My Excite (6-2) -1 versus Guacabowle (4-3): Upstarts TMX sit atop Thursday A and have been rolling tight. Guac is one of the Thursday A power teams that always seem to find a way to lose. Classic Dick Whitman, moron thought he booked a ticket to go ski out west with a buddy for 2/20 got to airport idiot booked trip for 3/20, Jesus if that isn’t classic DW I don’t know what is. Mitch, Sparetime and Bonita can only do so much when DW goes into full tank mode. Squatch has been strong and everyone is rolling well right now for TMX. This fucking piss drunk cock can’t do anything right his 150s tonight will prove to be Guac’s demise. Here is TMX after the win:
Here is Spare of the Dog and Average Joes enjoying the bye week:
Wow those guys really know how to party….
Here is 5 Fingers enjoying theirs:
Pinups (4-4) -2.5 versus Roll Another (2-5): Match should be closer than it looks, but a Pinups squad loaded with All Stars Lil Lane, MacBalls and Mason should be able to survive Buck and crew in a match up of long BoPo squads. Bones fresh off a 9-1-1 2:30 a.m. call should be able to stay awake for this match, but we shall see, he’s also been getting that average up after I gave him shit for that 115, hey not many people I can give shit to on the average tip this season. Here are Lane Master and MacBalls after the match:
Way to think that one through ladies. I’m choosing to believe they probably lived through that. Also, what the hell was Harvey Keitel thinking, did he think he could catch the car on foot or just needed some cardio? Speaking of cardio here is Uncle Buck:
Buck getting his swole on while the doc gets his troll on!
UREA! (5-3) -3 versus FC Portland (3-3): Word on the street for FC is no Oolie tonight which means no win for FC. Captain Caveman reports that FC is a mess this year, zero fun, folks standing around staring at their phones, etc. That shit right there needs to change. You guys are historically one of our most raucous groups. I’m looking at you Ram Rod get that shit turned around. J Bird and Casual T have been getting their smelt on, but I’d suspect they are back for the match and if that is the case, CT, CM, and Dixie prove too much for FC tonight. Let’s see if staff starts stacking chairs after early shift tonight. Here is C Murda and Casual T doing some community service:
ICBING (8-0) -5 versus Pinny Candy (4-3): Last unbeaten in BoPo ICBING is making a run at a short side wall banner. Their all star Sauve Lefty crushed 12/16 for strikes last night in the ASG and their literally appears to be nothing between them and a short banner this year. Pinny Candy will be happy to get in and out and try to make it to game 3. Here is 2 Dogs, Fabio and Peanut Gutter after the match:
Peanut Gutter is the dog under the car.
My Balls (2-6) -1 versus GOB (4-3): Cleveland Steamer and crew have been finding ways to lose this year despite a tight squad and tight team average. Thursday A is wide open this year and I think My Balls finds a way to win tonight. Holden has been doing the heavy lifting this year, but last night he went open 9th open 10th and took a shit on $160.00, fell out of second for $40.00 and lost himself $25.00. It really was great to see and a spectacular choke job. $160.00 is life changing money for this bum, so that one hurt, chance of making rent just went in the shitter. Speaking of in the shitter Invisible Hand will be there given poor customer service and looking for handouts. Here is Hand after the match:
Nice of Holden to give him those directions.
Leisure Rolls (5-3) -15 versus TDYOB (3-4): Who cares?
Bowlderdash (2-5) -3 versus Strike City (1-6): Bowlderdash is glad they have strike city tonight fun and a win, can anyone tell Thunder is running out of time:
Lesbowlians (3-5) versus Bad News (1-6): I love this annual rite of passage. Two all ladies’ teams locking horns in an old school BoPo throwdown showdown, I love this fucking league:
B&B (3-5) versus HHP (4-3): B&B has the pins, HHP has the wins, something will change, and Saw’s face Mr. Mayor will rearrange:
Party Mix (5-1) -15 over Granola (3-4): Roses are red, violets are blue, didn’t have time for the lines, sorry but it’s true, if you have a problem with that, well, fuck you!
Here are both teams locked in epic battle after match: