Week 3 – Tuesday A
Because most of you are a bunch of sensitive cunts, here’s the best I could do at presenting the lines in a light and digestible manner. But, before we get to the match-ups. Fuck you, Thunder. Guys been shitting on people for 10 years but gets butt-hurt when someone writes better lines than him. Pathetic. I’ve seen 8 year olds with a better sense of humor, and I fucking hate kids. Dude can’t get anything right. No surprise when your spinal cord is made up of bad acid trips. It’s OK, I get it. I love ya man. Except I hope you bowl worse than you did last year for the rest of the season. To the lines!
Bingas (2-0) -3 vs. Bowl Thugs (1-1)
Bingas is starting the year off strong, 725 average and 23 points. I’m sure that will continue through the season. Gutterboi is a great bowler and one of the nicest guys I know. Not an asshole at all. He almost got in a fight on the lanes the other day but it was for good reason. Kinda like Holden and Hot gravy did that one time during draft league when they beat the shit out of that douche bag who wouldn’t stop running his mouth. How those guys still have jobs is beyond me. Speaking of Gravy, this is his rookie year on a rookie team and they’re looking to make an impact. Love the creativity with the team name Bowl Thugs n Harmony. They actually have a pretty well rounded squad. Casual Hundo has improved big time. Their dudes are solid and Cleveland is always a threat to take top point. I definitely see them breaking some hearts this season. Unfortunately, not in this match. Bingas remains hot and gets the W.
SOD (0-2) vs. XXX Club (1-1) -12
Last week I predicted that SOD would get their only win of the season against Sharks and Strikes and I almost got it right. They lost the match by two pins!!! That’s okay, they will come back strong this week…. As I watch a fly fly across the room…. That means I’m rolling my eyes… These guys are going to suck ass the rest of the season. Fuck, This being nice thing is tough. Let me try again. Pineapple is getting better. Danny Diesel didn’t choke by leaving six open frames in a row. Kelly K is lined up perfectly. Booth isn’t a drunk idiot. Couch would never split in the tenth frame to cost his team the match, and Kiss My Pabst has an infectious smile. There, that’s better. XXX Club in two.
Here’s a little look at Pabst after getting a strike… https://www.youtube.com/watch?
Sharks & Strikes (1-1) vs. BEER (2-0) -1
Two powerhouses going at it in this weeks match of the week. Sharks has the highest average on Tuesday but could very well be 0-2 if it wasn’t for some good fortune in the end of last week’s match against SOD. It’s weird, I personally like everyone on Sharks & Strikes but for some reason I’m always rooting for them to lose. Not sure what it is. Maybe I’m just a shitty person. WhiteDick and Deputy have been putting in some pretty good practice sessions. Sparkles practices drinking. I’d say he’s pretty good at it. He’s not off to the hottest start this year but i still rank him right there at the top for best drunk bowler…. Well, as long as we’re forgetting about the 2 v 2 playoffs a few years back. I’ve never seen so many belly flops on the lanes. BEER has a lot of drunk bowlers of their own. These guys love to party and they’re fun to watch. Hungus is looking to bounce back from sub par scores last week. Hopefully the ass kicking Garlic Jones gave him the other day doesn’t keep him discouraged. Railroad throws loud strikes and I expect him to be in top form against his former team. It’s going to be a tight match but ultimately it comes down to whose ladies roll better. This one goes to a roll-off. BEER wins.
Shake N Bake (1-1) vs. Skol (2-0) -5
Nice win for Skol last week beating out the Oddballs. Good thing I’ve been wrong about Skol to start, one more freak out and Viking is gonna have an anuerism in the fucking party pit. All self induced, Vikings always a great dude. Let’s hope they can continue to prove me wrong as the season goes on, especially considering the fact that this team is actually pretty stacked. Most teams would be though if they didn’t party, much like Skol. Shake N Bake’s 650 average won’t be enough to take down Skol. That being said, hopefully Squatch and gang can bounce back strong, especially with his two handed heave looking a lot less like a train wreck. We’re rooting for ya bud, keep that chin up…Who the fuck let all these flies in here? LaLa and Tango roll big tonight, but Skol wins.
Got this video of Viking last week… https://www.youtube.com/watch?
Saucy Posse (0-2) -1 vs. Leisure Rolls (0-2)
These two red hot teams face off in what will be the match of the year. Watch for big, big scores, leaving the teams fighting for a 600 series. Saucy, some constructive criticism, stop looking at your banner and start looking at the pins. I know you lost your top dog to G.O.B. (fuck Holden BTW), but sweet Jesus, please do better. Magic, what the hell happened to Leisure Rolls? You guys were always contenders, you coulda been somebody! Doesn’t help Dutch is blackout before he gets to Bayside every week. Hey Dutch, it’s 2020, wear some fucking socks. Your feet reek like burnt popcorn. How does that even happen? I’m giving this to Saucy, only due to their whopping 20 pin advantage.
My reaction after smelling Dutch’s feet … https://www.youtube.com/watch?
Oddballs (1-1) -15 vs. Off Constantly (0-2)
Now I’ve been very nice for most of this, but I just can’t with these fucking bums that are Off Constantly. These shit suckers are sporting a staggering 521 average. WTF. That’s worse than ANY fucking team in all of Tuesday B, you suck! They used to be a force in this league, now they can’t even field a team. Fucking pathetic. I don’t even want to talk about this anymore. Oddballs gets all 15.