The Greenpants Institute of Smackology

Bingas -8 vs. Bowl Thugs

Jail Bait and crew have their work cut out for them here, but I don’t see them pulling it off. Jail Bait is too busy getting married, or wait, no, divorced to know they play today. Not that he will be able to drive to the lanes after totaling his car. Tough break dude. Can you imagine that?  Married, divorced, and a totaled car all in a week! 21 never felt so good. That being said, Hot Gravy’s been rolling well. His average has been steady climbing, Cleveland is always solid, and Hundo has been rolling well, but it won’t be enough to keep up with Bingas. BTNH pulled off this upset earlier in the season but no chance history repeats itself. G Boi is hot, Jerk has been sucking ass, Chernobolayne is raging a 165 average, Cookie and Coco Lopez are having solid seasons, too. For this one it’s pretty clear – Bingas!

Here’s footage of Jail Bait’s accident  

Oddballs vs. Off Constantly -15

Upset alert! Off Constantly has been having one hell of a name appropriate season. But not tonight! OC is due bigtime. I don’t care if they’ve lost every game this season. JR Hoss and Nuber go big to takedown Cerrano and crew tonight. Speaking of Cerrano, he’ll probably be too busy housing Twisted Teas with Twisted Tea in the parking lot to pay attention to bowling. Friggin losers. Halfway through the season and Nugget has ruined you. Sure hate to see it. Give your empties to the bums that flood the streets instead of throwing them away at Bayside, maybe? Coco bowls more 200’s and OC gets the win.

Here is Cerrano smuggling Teas into Bayside 

Shake & Bake vs. Skol -10

This one is a bit of a no brainer.  Skol in 2. Fuck you, Squatch. I was really in this dudes head at the beginning of the season, but I’ve been taking it easy on him because I felt bad. Now he is bowling really well and that is my least favorite thing to watch of all time. If I have a lower average than him at the end of the season, I’m jumping off the roof.  Tango, Lala and D$ will try their hardest to keep them in the match but Glossy and Squatch are definitely blowing this one. Skol yawns their way to victory. 

Here I am having a little fun with Squatch. 

Sharks & Strikes vs. BEER -1

This one is going to be a tight match. BEER is ahead of Sharks in the standings, but S&S has a better average. I expect this one to come down to who gets more shitfaced first. Just ask Holden Green. As soon as he catches a buzz he forgets how to bowl. Earlier in the season I mentioned how good of a drunk bowler Sparkles was, but holy shit, that guy is horrible. Deputy is coming off a huge week of high scores and dry humping. That dude sexually assaulted at least 10 people last Tuesday, including myself. Can’t say I didn’t like it. Howdy, Neighbor. Hey, Dick Du Jour, fuck you.  I expect BEER to slip away with this one, as Sharks drowns their livers in seltzers. Cerrano, switch to Trulys. They sell those at Bayside at least.

Here is Deputy last week  

SOD vs XXX Club -3

Now I’ve been shitting on SOD all year, but they are having a pretty solid season. They’ve grinded out some big wins to keep them in the middle of the pack for Tuesday A. Couch is doing Couch things by bowling his ass off and keeping his mouth shut. Love that guy. Danny Diesel gets more bullshit strikes than anyone in the league but hey, take what you can get right? He’s repping a solid 193 average right now. However, this one-two-punch won’t be able to keep up with Bucky and Roadhouse. Hey Roadhouse, can you please wear that grey and black BoPo hat tonight? It looks really good on you. Club has really been struggling this season with just a 2-5 record, but I care how solid SOD is, I will never pick them to win. Bora Bora snaps out of her slump and leads them to victory.

Here’s Roadhouse getting ready to drive home after celebrating the big win

Saucy vs. BUI -15

At first glance I was thinking this could be a pretty good crossover match. Then I realized how horrible Saucy Posse is. They are 1-6 and you never know who is actually going to show up for them. Last I heard, Nut Sauce blew out her back from carrying the team. Come on guys! She’s obviously by far your best bowler but you can’t put all the pressure on her. Step it the fuck up! On the other end, BUI has a 1.5 team pin advantage. Which means no contest. Duke Thunderwood is still smooth as ever and Snapshot is the MVP of the league right now. You can’t convince me otherwise. He bowls a 600 series tonight… in two games. The real Thursday team does their best impression of fake Thursday and gets the W.

Here’s Nut Sauce teaching Walter a lesson after the loss

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