Dr. Thunder on the mic:
Leisure Trolls are on a bye, and that’s good, so they can’t lose. These guys are looking to be relegated to Thursday B and Dutch has already made it known he will be a Free Agent this offseason. Wow Spare-O is psyched he chose us over these sad sacks. However, these guys found a way to take an L anyway with the return of Gatch last weekend. Like one of Leisure Rolls members noted, “I thought we got rid of him, only for the dude to show up and ruin a weekend.” I saw the drunk Tyrion Lannister Gatch at lanes on Sunday, and it was brutal. Newsflash bro, next time in town maybe spend some time with the wife and not rolling 140s at the lanes all day blacked out drunk with folks that didn’t know you were still alive. Hopefully the poor guy didn’t get divorced. To make matters worse the shitbag walked out on his tab, when called out on it sent card information and that card got declined. Good looking out Gatch! Guy thought he was returning to a hero’s welcome;more like sad to see you come glad to see you go. Beat it Gatch! Love ya bro! Here is Gatch on the flight home to Chicago:
Freaking Coronavirus is coming too, this is a God damn nightmare. You know that thing is gonna get all up in BoPo’s ass like a hellified gangster lean. I mean Jesus, look what the fucking PBA Plague did to us. Start wearing masks that cover your mouth and nose to bowl in people. Also wash your fucking hands, Doc sees you coming out of there without a wash and you don’t immediately hit the Purell folks gonna read about it in the lines you scurvy bastards! Clean your shorts like a big boy!
Speaking of PBA, I was speaking to Commish the other day and we are looking to can “Clean your plate!” and “Pick it up” chants on spare attempts. Doc on board with that, those chants are played out. Got to evolve our chant game folks. That said DJ Jon plays this while some fucking PBA hack Doc could give two fucks about is about to miss a spare I will sing “pick it up, pick it up” all day long; Hungus be fucking damned:
Strong work on Tuesday lines Greenpants, imitation is the greatest form of flattery, now fuck off and die you tools.
Farmer has some “work” to do, yeah right, so Doc had to jump in with some A lines. Here is Farmer “working” with a couple co-workers down in Beantown:
Yeah, I didn’t have time to write these either but here we go! To top it off got a wicked cold last night so these lines will be short because Doc needs to get to bed so I can rage tomorrow. THURSDAY!!!!!!
Early (AKA The Morgue):
My Balls (4-4) -10 versus Tats and Titties (4-4): T&T was a cute story until they got fan favorite Rubbys back, great guy, terrible bowler. Wish they had him when they played us. Poor schmucks haven’t won a game since Rubbys got back. Their top 3 have come back to earth and they won’t have enough to hold Frankie and Spidey off, as they look to get over .500. Regardless great season for T&T as 4 wins has to be this clubs all-time high. Speaking of high all time, here is Rubbys after the match telling Crowbar the latest loss wasn’t his fault:
Board says Rubbys averaging 138 with 2 200s hoping that’s another Hexy error, if not, Jesus my boy sucks shit more than I thought:
Average Bros (3-4) -3 versus Lions Den (3-4): Bros been findings ways to lose since Farmer slammed the Dentist as the Dentist in Little Shop, wow that was 100% apropos. Sticky and Holden just looked at each other and said, “What is apropos?”. Idiots. Read a book dudes or go back to college. Speaking of going to college Bowl Murray works at one and was stupid enough to bet me she would average 142 this year. I don’t like stealing money, but if you want to give it away, I will take it. Her Court Jester Captain Spare O doubled down and backed the bet, here they are while making the bet:
Thanks for the beer morons. Lions Den surprisingly have 3 wins in a remade Thursday A, tonight won’t be one. I expect South Paw’s brother, North Paw’s brother, Dentist’s brother and Soccer Dad’s brother to do enough in this one to overcome some low 100s by Bowl Murray to win. I mean she is only 198th in the league. Mokkiki, Das, Otis and crew will be game, but Bros firepower should prove too much. Who knows Doc been wrong before? What I am not wrong about is I won a 12 pack from the aforementioned dumb and dumber and $100 off Holden Turd. Here are the men from Bros celebrating the win taking turns using Dentist’s favorite pick up line:
Late (Where the party at):
Guacabowle (3-4) –5 versus Hexy’s Hooligans (2-5): Flatline has had an all star season, but Guac and crew are loaded. Theywill get to .500 tonight. Hexy has put together a fun and good first year squad, but the wins have been hard to come by, but not for a lack of trying. This team puts in the time at the lanes. Speaking of putting in the time Mitch, Dick, and Cilantro live at the lanes. They recently tried to purchase Hungus’ upstairs apartment off of him. Here is Dick pitching the idea to Hungus:
Wow I knew the guy was a piss drunk cock and an idiot, but wow. Here he is with Mitch giving it to Dick at Howie’s:
Yikes all time low for Dick I’ve got him at a couple 125s tonight and they win anyway. Here is Dick after getting kicked out of his own bar after rolling back to back 125s:
LOS (5-2) -14 versus TDYOB (4-3): LOS circles this as a “do not lose don’t want to hear Thunder’s shit” game every single year. Precious comes in for the late match and they load up to win. TDYOB will do their thing, take their beating, and go home or to Howie’s. Props to Mr. Stiffy on baby three I hope they let you roll three games tomorrow night. Cheese and Thunder got together Tuesday for a little warm up, Cheese went 749 Thunder 533 thus the line. Bork should be able to salvage a point somewhere, but winning the match is out of the question. They don’t have Munson either who is out of town for hockey. Here are the LOS boys getting ready then cut to Thunder and Farmer:
Then Thunder and Farmer after said beatdown:
Farmer is Joe. Thunder is Peter.
YB2 (6-2) -10 versus GOB (3-4): Expect GOB to get back to their losing ways against Thursday night powerhouse YB2. Crackerjackoff got his PBA card so he can get shit kicked out of him again, but despite what some folks think this ain’t the PBA he will deliver tomorrow night. GOB got off the schnide last week and are feeling great about themselves only to crash and burn tomorrow night. Here is Holden trying to cheat on Bit after the loss:
Splinter is like what the hell did I get myself into?!?!!? Here is Hand asking a question in group therapy:
Here is Squeaky wondering what happened to this life:
GOB reboot off to shit start. Here is Hand saying it isn’t my fault:
BUI (4-3) -1 versus TMX (3-4): TMX looked like they were going to be as bad as sober Magic’s team Leisure Rolls. Wrong. TMX has been reborn behind powerful bowling of most improved hopeful Lil Bit. BUI has rebounded from a shit start and I think they have enough to sneak this one out tonight ifthey don’t roll Whiskey Pete or G Unit. Speaking of those guys:
That’s a wrap Doc needs to get to bed.