Week Two Lines

We’re on to Week 2! That was a wild week but hoping to see everyone rebound a bit. A few notes first:

Please wait for your game in the mezzanine or one of the tables on West side, not standing at the rails. After games if you’d like to hang out, the mezz will be open.

Please stay away if there’s any chance you are sick, and keep your masks on while you are in the building We’re all depending on each other to do this right so we can keep it going.

Also we’ll be collecting school supplies for kiddos in our community THIS Thursday 9/10. Please bring in NEW back backs, masks, hand sanitizer, notebooks, pencils, sharpeners, erasers, rulers, glue sticks, dividers, scissors, crayons/markers, and highlighters. We’ll have a bin at the front desk for you to drop them off in. Pineapple will be delivering them to the Black Lives Matter donation drive on Friday! Connect with her if you have any questions.

Now the lines. Farmer went Ding Dong, I went All Day.

All Day Division

Week one was the only crossover week of the season, and the All Day division went 3-7.  Small sample size and doesn’t really mean anything given that everyone was shooting 150(in their good games) but it’s filler and I’m already two lines in!  Onto the games.

Thunder Buddies (1-0) -5 vs Tecmo Bowl (0-1): There’s a lot of early talk about Dick Whitman’s Thunder Buddies, but that could just be Dick and his team’s namesake making noise.  They did get off to a hot start and Flatline is one of the few bowlers who did anything opening week.  Tecmo Bowl got a good game by Deputy, followed by a horrible game by Deputy.  That’s better than most of us.  I like Tecmo’s shirts better, but Dick Whitman is in it to win it and will do whatever it takes to get to 2-0. 

Red XXX (0-1) -3 vs Strike Gold (0-1):  Not sure their team name, but Red XXX crew did anage to place two bowlers in the extremely early top 10.  All Day Lemay looking like a good 1st round pick for this brutal pattern, and whoever Boom hammer is he delivered. Strike Gold got a solid start from Crackerjack but then a 43 pin drop to their #2 Ice Ice Mary.  Feeling fairly certain if Crackerjack can maintain that 191 average it’d be good for top dog, but with only two bowlers over 137 I see a loss coming this week. 

WAB (0-1) -1 vs Hakeem (0-1): Nugget almost pulled off a week one win even without her #1 pick, but benched herself in game 3.  Plan D was a revelation with a 3 game 150 average for 2nd spot on the squad.  Luckily the majority of the division has a loss so no need to panic, and Herb’n should be available, and I can only assume this time Mr. Florida brings his own shoes. Shooter McGill was the unsurprising leader for Hakeem’s crew, and she should be strong all season.  Unfortunately Hakeem’s 130 was good for 2nd place.  Man this is brutal!  Here’s some insight for his team to battle WAB.

Cake Balls 3 (1-0) -3 vs Off The Top Rope (0-1): Splinter only rolled himself once and let his protégé Squeaky get 3 in their opening week loss.  I imagine he’ll shuffle the lineup a bit here, and Sparetime and Tilt seem to have straight ahead throws that could serve them well in the long run on this shot.  Cake Balls had 4 of the top 14 bowlers, including Cupcake herself who came through with a nice 169 average.  Spare-O and Ripcord provided a nice left/right punch at the top of the lineup and bonus 5th rounder Jr. Hoss was solid as well.  Their shirts are gross again, but not as gross as these cakes.

BHT (1-0) -5 vs Magic’s Gathering (0-1): Rough start to the schedule for Magic, though anyone’s beatable when everyone averages around 600.  Glossy rolls in with three of the top 10 from week one and none of them seem like flukes.  In fact, here’s Tommy Gunz taking on my challenge of beating this pattern…

Ding Dong Division

Hey, we did it!  The return of BoPo was excellent.  So fun to see so many familiar masked faces, and I must say, the bowling was a throwback to BoPo 2013.  Lots mediocrity out there!  Our team averages look like mid-table Tuesday B material…let’s step it up!

In case you missed it, there were some COVID updates based on last week.  Please check the rules page for the full details, but in short please do not congregate behind the lanes to watch the matches.  If you are bowling late, the mezzanine will be open for you or there are a few tables on the West side.  No hanging out behind the lanes watching me throw down a 155 in game 3 of the early matches, as much as you would love to.

Also, not to go all Pay Day on you, but because of the COVID protocols, we need to keep the early matches going so the staff can do a cleaning prior to you moving into your lanes for late matches.  If you are early, practice starts at 530 sharp no matter what.  Don’t be late!  If you are bowling late, don’t bother the early bowlers….let them finish up, let the staff clean, then you can bowl!  Picture it like a little break between the action:

OK, as I let you know, I will do lines for the Kingshit Ding Dong division this season.  If you are reading and want to write lines for the other division, talk to Hungus.

Before we start, well done Ding Dongers on going 7-3 in our only crossover games of the season.  For the rest of the year, this crew will roll and party together at the same time all season.  And I like it. Onto the matches:

Lala (-3) v. FUCOVID – Lala is a creative lady, yet somehow hasn’t given her team a name?  I should pick against her on principle, but I did watch my team roll, so I think I will go with LaLa in a close one.

Tango started strong for LaLa.  (If I had a nickle every time I heard that…)  But Sticky Fingers is the current average leader for the division after his monster game last week.  He was the only bowler I have seen miss right and his ball came back to the pocket.  Expect a great battle at the top.

Swanny was a stud last week for LaLa, averaging over 170 on this challenging pattern:

LaLa also rolled well, Clam Hands found a way, but Walter was the big surprise of the evening.  No chance he stays a 104 guy, so he will bounce back.

FUCOVID had an up and down night….mostly down.  Lots of times where bowlers watched their ball go down the lane, not hook as much as planned, and then turn around surprised at the result.  Make an adjustment, ya dorks!  Bowl Murray had a huge game, but the rest of the squad has some work to do.  They will make it close in a loss, but at least they have their team arrival coordinated well, arriving in a team carpool after a team safety meeting:

Bae Side Rollers (-5) v. Roadhouse – Roadhouse and team averaged below a 600.  Cheese and co. lead the division with a whopping 635 (like I said, BoPo 2013 here we come).  The familiarity and comfort the defending champs have with each other will continue to pay dividends as they adjust their way to a second win of the season.

Brown Michael Cox has the lowest average on Bae Side with a 149.5.  That’s great stuff this season, and will win a lot of points.  Huge shout out to Tron of all people for getting shit done last week, I think they are simply too strong for Roadhouse.  Tron is crediting his bowling to him no longer travelling all the time for work.  He is loving his time locally, but does miss those trips to southern California:

Sparkles and Roadhouse did alright last week, and others will have to step up to get some points tonight.  This team will be fine as the season progresses, but tonight they get the loss.

Flight 2020 (BOWLOFF WIN) v. Blue Dream – I am fully predicting a bowloff in this battle for Bayside supremacy, where the winner gets to stay in the apartment upstairs and the loser goes home to relieve the babysitter and serve breakfast, alone and sad, to the kids on Friday morning.  Right now I see Hungus taking the win over Slow Roll, and I hope to score an invite to the afterparty!

Hungus told me his team was loaded, and they then went out and won 8-7 while averaging a 606.  Slow Roll got 10 points past week while averaging a 605.  These teams match up well, and I expect it to be tight from start to finish.  Blue Dream will throw a lot of 150’s at you, and see what you can do about it.  Mountain Man, Gutterslut, and Phil Frames all were solid last week, and Nut Sauce did her usual thang.  Which if you know her means it looked a little something like this:

Hungus was paced last week by Seatown, and Burt rolled well also.  It will be the battles for points 3,4 and total that will decide this one.  Who will step it up?  Give me Lil’ Bit with a huge strike in the bowloff for the win.

Balls of the Cave (-1) v. Gutterboy – These 2 teams have the worst team averages in our division, but somehow Balls of the Cave pulled off a win last week.  Consider it a Senior Citizen discount.  I was tempted to pick Gutterboy, but until he gets a team name I am going against this crew.  Hey, don’t blame me, blame your captain.

Rick Vaughn and Lil’ Pickle led the way for Cave last week, but there isn’t anyone in this match with an average to write home about.  In fact the highest average in the match belongs to:

  1. Rick Vaughn
  2. Lobsterman
  3. DC

Answer here:

That’s right, well done Lobsterman.  Won’t be enough tonight, though.

Frankie Abralon (-7) v. Spare My Broken Hole – First things first.  Hey Skinny Frankie, name your fuckin’ team.  Secondly, despite the video from last week, Brandy is not pregnant.  It was all a set up to have Holden shave his balls, and like 2 days later I realized I may have spread some false information.  Apologies Brandy, although I have said many times these lines are all nonsense.  Besides, we all know E Minor’s boys can’t swim.

Frankie and crew are loaded.  Their last round pick, Commander Striker, averaged a freaking 170+ last week!  And we all know Mrs. Brady wont average in the 120s for long.  They will crush tonight.

Spare My Broken Hole is a bit top heavy right now.  Heartbreak Kid and Holden rolled very well.  The rest of the team was below a 140.  I expect that to change this week, but it won’t get them the win they would love to have.  By the way, those two have been having an argument about their sexiness lately, let’s check in on their competition (Holden is the Mule, HBK is the Jaguar)  judged by none other than Skinny Frankie:

Great tune, a great band to explore:

Have fun.  Stay Safe.  Pray for Strikes!

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