Hey Ya’ll, Baby Beluga here with the All Day Division Lines. Before I get into it I guess I’ll reiterate on Bayside’s behalf, keep your masks on! It’s not that difficult. Like Peach Tree (Captain Joe) says, if someone can bowl a 300 with their mask on then there’s no excuses. Yes this pattern is discouraging but don’t take your bowling frustrations out on the mask policy. Be thankful, it hides most of your ugly mugs anyway.
Here we go.
Dream Team (0-2) -1 vs Tecmo Bowl (0-2)
Well it’s quite apparent that the struggle is real for everyone going into week 3. I mean, when Holden Green is top 3 average in the entire league you know something is fucked up. But damn, talk about a horrible start for these two teams. We have the two lowest team averages going at it. Let’s hope they can turn it around. Deputy has shown some signs of life with a big game week one, keeping his average in the 170’s, which is a decent number one bowler average for today’s standards. With the exception of their 5th round pick David Bowlie, the rest of the squad is very much underachieving. I do expect Potato Thumb In The Bum to bounce back and throw some solid games. Christ, it can’t get much worse. Dream Team’s top dawg is the legendary G-Force. Can we all take the time to admire this old-timer still showing up to party through all of this bullshit. If a flight of stairs can’t kill him, no bitch ass virus will. Love that guy. Besides Shooter McGill, who I’m assuming won’t be there tomorrow, the rest of the team is pretty terrible. However, they will suck less than Beer Hunter’s squad. 1.4 pin advantage equals a W for the Dream team.
Here’s Hakeem after the Celtics loss the other night.
Oops. Wrong celtics.
Off The Top Rope (0-2) -10 vs Strike Gold (0-2)
The averages get better but the records don’t with both these teams starting 0-2. Splinter’s squad actually has the 2nd highest team average and might be the most well rounded team with no one under 130. Splinter needs to step it up though. One decent game and two shitty ones. If anyone should know how to play this shot it should be this guy. Aren’t you a pro or something? Squeaky G owes me money for the electric bill. Good bowler, shit roommate. Their female bowlers, Hollywood and Tilt-A-Whirl, are solid and will continue to be tonight. Unfortunately for Strike Gold, Crackerjack is not capable of beating an entire team by himself. They will need a lot of luck on their side to pull off this upset. This is a no-brainer. Off The Top Rope in two.
Splinter doing whatever it takes to defeat his opponent.
Thunder Buddies(2-0) -1 vs Cakeballs 3 (2-0)
WOOT WOOT! Match of the week alert! Normally I would follow that up with something like ” two power houses going at it” or ” stacked teams go head to head” but there is no such thing as a power house or stacked team anymore. We have the 1 seed vs the 2 seed. I know it’s only been 2 weeks but Bucky with an 181 average?! Seeing Bucky with an average that low is the equivalent of seeing Sticky Fingers with the top average… a rare sight. I’m assuming he will throw 200’s tonight. He can’t go this long without one. Jr. Hoss did that exact thing last week and is in a good groove. And how about Cupcake with a 161 average. Fuck those pins. Despite scores being lower than normal this team does have the ability to go off. They will be tough to beat all year long… but guess what mofos, they’re going down tonight! It might come down to the last frame in game 3, but I’m calling it. Thunder Buddies are coming out hot. Dick Whitman is bowling a 250. Putting contest at the pub after? Flatline bounces back from a mediocre start and rolls heavy. Kabowlski and Crowbar keep doing their thing. King Lettuce throws a monster game and then heads to The Zoo to fall over a railing. Thunder Buddies with the huge win to improve to 3-0.
Here’s King Lettuce last weekend:
B.H.T (2-0) -3 vs Red XXX (1-1)
Potentially a close match. Only 5 pins separate these two teams and they should both be 1-1 as Bowler’s of the Hidden Temple had no business winning last week against Magic’s Gathering. That being said, B.H.T. is much deeper on paper and will be tough to overcome. They have top dog Tommy Gunz, who will only get better as time goes on, Chatty, who became a good bowler faster than most of you can drink a beer, and Squatch, who somehow fell to the third round of the draft. They also have rookies Bates Master and Smash Jackson who put in work and will be great additions to bopo. Oh! and don’t forget their Captain Glossy who can go off at any time. It really does crush my soul to be so nice to these guys, but it’s only fair since they did give us an ass beating week one. Red XXX?? No team name yet? Or just egocentric? Either way, Lame. Some of you may be asking who Boom Hammer is. Really nice guy and throws hammers straight down the lane. It seems more of you should throw straight. Insanal and Cro Magnon are coming around and Lil Bit’s father, 8 Bit, has broken 100 every time since rolling a 74 first game of the year. All Day Lemay has been practicing more than anyone not named Garlic and looks to make improvements to her slow start. She’ll have a big night and steal some points. Rep your division girl! Unfortunately they will not have enough fire power. B.H.T is 3-0 after tonight.
Is B.H.T ready for tonight’s matchup?
Magic’s Gathering (0-2) vs WAB (1-1)
This one could go either way. Magic’s two best bowlers, Putt Putt Pass and Cleveland, can’t continue to bowl this poorly if they want to be in contention for this match. Sparesi Lannister is the only one performing well for their squad, but I see them turning it around tonight. Magic got his Casco Bay practice in last night and it’s going to translate into him lighting it up this evening. By the way, thank you for incorporating that league back into Bayside. Never thought I would catch myself saying I miss those guys, but it was good to see some of the familiar faces and it’s good for business. WAB has Herb’n Legend who is a tournament bowler and very familiar with sport patterns. Look for him to start putting up some huge scores. From what I saw, Nugget had a solid practice session yesterday and is starting to figure it out. I think she will have big games and take her points. I watched Tommy Torpedo bowl a 250 something yesterday, which means he will absolutely suck tonight. Plan D’s method is very effective. She gets up, throws the balls, walks away and pins fall over. Lets see if the B champ can keep it up. Newcomer, Sledgehammer, works at Maine Beer Company so he must be cool. Not a bad start for the rook. I have no idea what’s going to happen. Fuck it. WAB wins in a roll off.
Make sure your balls aren’t too wet.
DING DONG LINES
It must be fall. NFL games on TV. A little chilly outside. And we are all showing up at the lanes a hell of a lot more than we used to.
Week 3 of 2020 Draft League, and we Ding Dongers are early again this week. Which means please be on time as practice starts at 530 sharp. We really need to do our best to get our matches complete so the staff can clean up and the late matches can get started. Of course a few strikes would help speed things up also. Pretty sure I had two last week. Is that good?
And, of course, one more reminder to please respect everyone out there, and adhere to the restrictions that come along with a global pandemic. Remember, we don’t have to bowl this fall….we GET to bowl this fall. Let’s do this, BoPo.
On to the matches.
Tales From the Pit (-5) v. Blue Dream – I got the pleasure of rolling against Tales From the Pit last week. Both Tango and Lala got to roll three against us (thanks a lot Clam Hands), and both of them are looking pretty good. Goes to show you that good bowlers can succeed on this pattern.
Do you know who has more 200’s than anyone else in our division? That’s right, it is none other than Nut Sauce. Here are Tango and Mountain Man talking about how to take the crown:
I kid, I kid. (sort of). Lala now has a team name and another win tonight. Score one for the ladies.
Baeside Rollers (-3) v. Balls of the Caves – Baeside got their asses handed to them last week. Half of Balls of the Caves have no idea if they won last week or not. Especially some dude named Rutherford Vaughn, who has fully embraced the Phish vibe for Shooter’s squad:
This year is turning out to be a grind for most rollers. Spares are at a premium, and Cheese and company will continue to make the moves needed to get 10 and ultimately get the win.
I expect some big stuff from Lefty this week, who is putting in some work and even throwing up a 200 in practice recently. Lil’ Pickle let me know she is getting tired of being the ace on the squad, so is hoping maybe Lefty gives her some help.
STD (-3) v. FUCOVID – Last week I gave Gutterboy shit for not having a team name. Now he has one, and part of me wishes he hadn’t. In this time of viral sensitivities, I have to play a team named STD?! And somehow getting one of those may be preferable to getting COVID? Yikes, we certainly do live in interesting times. Gutterboy’s inspiration for the team name:
Lobsterman is still doing well, and Gutterboy made some huge strides last week. Sticky Fingers is still riding the wave of his huge game week 1, and let me know he will make sure he is right of center tonight and will be back to the big scores. But I don’t think it will be enough, even with Jon McEnroll dialing it in of late.
The rest of us in this match…meh. Lots of mediocrity out there. Farmer and White Russian will battle. Hot Gravy and Bowl Murray will battle. Humboldt Honey and Bullet will battle. And Dutch will be Dutch:
Spare My Broken Hole (-5) v. Roadhouse – Holden has done it again. He has designed the shirt most likely to be donated to goodwill at the end of the season. Hard to take the crown from Cupcake or Gutterboy, but well done.
Both Holden and Heartbreak Kid are doing great on the lanes. They are posting some legit scores. Spladdam, Jailbait and newly engaged Brandy are all in the 140’s. That should be enough to take care of Sparkles, Roadhouse, Bora, and the rest of the crew.
Here was E Minor trying to be Mr. Big Shot buying a ring for Brandy:
Make Your Mark 300 Proof (-1) v. Flight 2020 – Not sure why I am always picking Hungus’ good team to lose. Probably because I doubt Skinny Frankie will roll another 87 this week. That’s right, an 87!!! That’s pretty special. However, I do applaud him on naming his team, and am glad I will never drink anything 300 proof in my life.
This one features more awesome lady bowlers, with Seatown killing it thus far, nice to see her with a top 12 average. Burt took a step back last week, but that is bound to happen early in the season. He’ll be fine.
Skinny Frankie last weekend trying to get rid of the 87 from last week:
Looks like it worked!
Wow, a lot of girl power in the lines this week…..Captain Lala crushing it, Nut Sauce and her 200’s, Lil’ Pickle leading her team, Seatown’s average… So I thought I’d close with this one. It’s not quite WAP, but it ain’t far off either:
Roar!