To non bowlers, or maybe even more specifically non-bowling alley owners, Spring is the time for that ‘fresh start’. For me, Spring is like the last step on the plank with my hands tied behind my back, with impending doom awaiting. No, I prefer Fall. I view September as a cool stream that I pull my dehydrated husk of a body up to after a months-long struggle through the desert. Those first few sips reinvigorate me, and perhaps in a moment of overexuberance I think ‘I can do anything!’ Thus, an attempt, again, to bring back what made BoPo BoPo in the first place…the lines. This could easily fizzle out as life takes up all the free space, but for one week anyway it’s the 2010’s again. Let’s get to it.
Earth Division
Late 7&8: Danny Diesel a.k.a. Walter’s Dick Pipe (1-1) -5 vs High 5s Good Vibes (1-1): Coming up with team names is always interesting. Lot’s of repeats this year, as maybe we are all a little worn out from decision making in the chaos of 2025. Diesel tried using AI, and showed me the rejected shirts the computer gods made. Well, the team may have said no but you can’t take an idea that’s been released into the world and bottle it back up entirely, so Walter’s Dick Pipe it is as far as I’m concerned. WDP was missing its Walter and its Dick last week, but I always assume 100% attendance, and they should be more than enough to beat High5s. Lucky Larry is leading the 5s, but he’s outside the top 50. Lare Bear is sitting at 52nd, and is hoping Dirty Lew steps up and takes the ace mantle.
Here’s Diesel asking AI for sweet dance moves to celebrate
Late 5&6: Magic’s Gathering (2-0) -1 vs : Dirty Bowling (2-0): Game of the week! Magic is he original Draft team name re-user, and for good reason. The Magic’s Gathering concept was great and the execution with the annual symbols for each BoPo name…chef’s kiss. The sage has his team undefeated, and looking for a 3-0 start that goes a long way toward locking in a playoff spot early. Dirty Bowling is not a repeat name, but Roadhouse’s fixation on Swayze is as consistent as the tides. He has yet another strong team, though he is without his binky Ripcord. He’s counting on Ochopizzo to find his Draft league mojo.
Here’s Roadhouse and Pizzo remembering there are many paths to the playoffs even if they lose the division
6:30 15&16: Must Bowl Faster (2-0) -1 vs Putt’s Deli (1-1): Another Game of the week caliber matchup here! The Earth division is stacked. All Phil Frames does is win (and resell bowling balls). He may not have his two time defending champ team, but Glossy knew what he was doing throwing this bowling stud at the top of his Draft list, as he sits atop the averages (with Glossy a not too shabby 12th). Putt’s got a strong squad but the gauntlet of Earth Division has him staring down an early season 1-2 record. Based on tournament bowling, Burt may be Phil’s kryptonite, so he’s hoping to have that influence on this one to pull of the slight upset.
Here’s what Burt might be singing in Phil’s backswing
6:30 11&12: Roll Clarity (0-1) -1 vs Time Out (0-2): Can a 2nd game of the season be ‘must win’? Yeah, I think so. The Earth division, as I’ve kept mentioning, is absolutely loaded. This a must win for both of these squads, given the rest of their schedule. Roll Clarity came in discombobulated off the week 1 bye, but Bayou Steve has free bowling and G Force and Spare-O (still defending BoPro-Am champ) will figure out their chemistry. Eggroll is off to a hot start for Time Out but needs a little help.
Here’s Captain Spare-O building that chemistry with G Force and some of his military pals
Water Division
Early 1&2: Humboldt Honey (2-0) -1 vs Moose Knuckle (1-1): Honey’s late 1st round steal of Jerk from Putt really shook up the draft. She then got him his longtime Binga’s teamate Tso and built a tough squad with power couple Ducken/Mokiki and the gambler Vizzini. They are winning with depth, as no one is in the top 35, but 2-0 is 2-0. Moose Knuckles is scoring like crazy but stuck at 1-1. The Leg leads both squads in average and would love to stomp Tso. Doc and Sparkles are also off to strong starts. The more I. look the less I like this pick but with 14 games to cover there’s no way I’m rewriting stuff.
Hungus sticking with his picks
Early 3&4 Tommy Gunz (2-0) -5 vs Cannonball Express (0-2): I guess when you draft Buck you don’t even feel like you need to name your team. To the surprise of no one the Buck&Gunz show is off to a hot start, and they are 2nd and 6th in average, respectively. Tough sledding here for Megalodon and company, who do have a solid average coming in but probably not enough to beat that duo.
Here’s Schizo and Megalodon giving it a run against the young bucks
What’s Yo Name (1-1) -3 vs Under Construction (1-1): Stroker from WYN gave us our first Brick watch of the season (as far as I know, I wasn’t there week 1). It didn’t end great but hell of a game, and he has two teammates in the top 30 with him. Looks like Nessquick knew what she was doing. Bosco is making his draft debut this season and jumped right in to captaining. He’s getting a strong start from Keebler Elf and already has a win under his belt. I think this will make two losses in a row however, as Nessquick isn’t here to fuck around.
Stroker’s 10th frame last week
Air Division
Early 7&8: Mama D (1-1) -5 vs 10s (0-2): Mama was also part of the back to back champs that broke up, and looking to captain her own team back to the promised land. She brought Sonny D and Stuffed Crust along for some solid company. Pineapple also has taken things into her own hands, becoming a Captain and grabbing the Herb’n Legend. Herb’s doing his normal thing, and X-Peej is trying to be his running mate. The internet tells me ‘Air signs know how to get any party started. They can get along with anybody—including those who aren’t part of their social group.’ This game will demonstrate that.
Here’s a clip of the match when, after an awkward start, Herb’n Legend and Mama D arrive
6:30 17&18: Prestige Worldwide (2-0) -5 vs Beans & Franks (1-1): Ok, back to the repeat names thing. There was a Prestige Worldwide before, but none of this crew was on it. To hear Thunder tell it, Prestige Worldwide changed lives. It was a career ending season of debauchery and excess. I don’t see Flatline bringing things to that level, but he has already won more than the old PW probably did. Beans & Franks, huh? I don’t know their story yet. KDD and Mater are off to solid starts but the team average is down in the dumps. They’ll try to keep the new, tamer PW from running away from the division early.
Here’s the only known footage of Dr. Thunder’s Prestige Worldwide Draft team
6:30 19&20: Iron Lotus (1-1) -1 vs Blankets Strike Back (2-0): I keep forgetting to deal with Linus’ schedule request…I’ll see if your opponent can switch. How’s that for fun lines, scheduling info! I may be out of gas here. Pretty sure Nut Sauce is the only top 10 bowler complaining about how they suck on this pattern, so I’ll go with Iron Lotus as the hungrier team.
This is, I imagine, Nut Sauce teaching her Iron Lotus self defense techniques before this shootout
Fire Division
6:30 9&10: Gag’non Balls (2-0) -7 vs Cakeballs8 (0-2): Cupcake has given Magic a run for his money on name reuse, and everyone loves a Cakeball. This year”s squad was missing Couch when we played them, so I didn’t get the whole dessert, just a taste. Bowlin Nolin may have the highest number ever on Flatline’s Mean Girl ‘Who’s Not’ list. Meanwhile rookie Captain Gag’non Balls has his team on fire, undefeated and leading the league in average, behind strong rolling from Crazy Train, Jr Hoss and Splat. Oh wait, Jr Hoss (aka Loveseat) vs Couch!?! Keep JD Vance away from this match!
Late 3&4: BBC (2-0) -9 vs Disco Turkeys (1-1): With their 2-0 start, it looks like BoPo may not have been ready to handle BBC. Greggo has paced them, but Gravy, Duke and White Russian are all off to solid starts. Meanwhile the most engaged rookie in years, Giojuana, continues his climb, proving he belongs with BBC. The Turkeys grabbed a win last week, and LL Cool J has them dreaming of a more competitive season. Space Farmer may or may not want that. They’ll see if they can get their hands around BBC and slow Gravy down.
Here’s Gravy on vacation last week laughing about how his draft plan fell perfectly into place
Late 1&2: Karl & The Gang (1-0) -5 vs Fisher Price (0-2): K&TG is yet another reboot, but since Kool and the Gang had so many eras it only seems natural to run it back at least once. This version may be more of the smooth, 80’s version than the coked out funky 70’s, but there’s some gems in there. Triple G casually rolling 200s in a deep cut purple terry polo will have everybody feeling the soft rock. Then when you let your guard down…BAM, here come the “2 3 Boys”. Fisher took all the names I didn’t recognize in the draft. Looking forward to meeting Gae Gae, Bills and the elusive Professor X.
KT&G coming out for next week’s game with Karl Fungus
See you all on the lanes Tuesday, looking forward to gleaning some info about the teams so I can cover the season better. Hell we even need to do a few Rooftop Sessions. Lets bring back the chatter! Smack board is open and dusty.