Howdy BoPo, hope you all survived the first real snow of 2021 alright. And, most importantly, dry January is over! Here I am headed to the lanes tonight:
I kid, I kid. Please don’t drink and drive like that. Call an Uber! Or else you’ll end up like this guy:
Now that we are 5 weeks into the season, it’s time to be honest with yourselves….you are what your average says you are. A hot week with still move the needle, but not much anymore….we are all starting to cement our averages, so now it will take 2 hot weeks to get the average to where you think it belongs. And that ain’t easy.
With the lifting of the 9 PM curfew, there may be some schedule adjustments on the horizon, so continue to check the schedule to make sure you know when your match is happening. Tonight, though, it’s the usual one shift of practice at 545, and a match at 6. However, tonight you can stick around for a drink afterwards!!
DHD (-3) v. Leisure Rolls – Every time I see the scores and the roster for DHD, I am reminded that these guys are really good. Last week they had 3 bowlers post 200’s without Doc Moose. Very solid bunch of bowlers that leave you little room for error or you lose.
Leisure Rolls aren’t exactly bad bowlers either. Insanal, Boomhammer, Beerhunter, and Shooter all have recent 200s. So they score well, but will need to score really well tonight to get the win. And it’s nice to see Sally Bowls back at Bayside!
I see DHD taking care of business tonight with a close but comfortable win. Looks like G-Force came out of dry January in great form, ready to get back on the horse:
LOS (-7) v. Hexy’s Hooligans – Don’t feel bad Hexy, if you do get 4 points that will be 2.5 more than my team did when we played LOS.
We all like to take a peak at the stats to see how we measure up. Well, newsflash everyone, you don’t measure up to LOS. The top 3 in Thursday average, and Mama D at 183 puts their starting line-up at an average of 840. For fucks sake, Tuesday is thataway folks! What happened to Thursday?!
In all seriousness, LOS is killing it, and I am pulling for them to run the table this season. They are super stacked and are rolling well.
You all know we love Hexy for all the support she provides to BoPo and MIST and all things bowling. Her teammate Flatline has taken over the stats now, and he is going down the rabbit hole of statistical analysis, sharing power ranking based on actual stats, box scores, team scores, everything. It is hugely helpful for this prognosticator, although to be honest I didn’t have to study the numbers for this one. LOS is too strong, and wins by a bunch tonight. Here’s my reaction to Flatline and Tommy describing all they want to do with the stats:
Y&B2 (-15) v. Bowl Trolls – We all know the B division got shredded by teams backing out this season, so there were bound to be some top A teams getting B teams on the schedule this season. But come on, Hungus, did you really need to set up the Trolls with these guys?? And did you need to have them match up with LOS the following week?
Bowl Trolls gonna feel like this for the next two weeks:
TDYOB (-1) v. Touch My Xcitement – The fearsome foursome of Touch get a real shot at victory tonight against TDYOB, only to have their hopes dashed by Cave Dweller and Bobby Bluebeetle.
Bork has rallied quite a bit from the first couple weeks of the season, and I think they ride that momentum to a close win over Touch. Last week, Potato Thumb had a huge 215 and they opened up a 4-1 lead only to lose 11-4 to Hexy’s Hooligans. Make no mistake, Touch will get plenty of points tonight. About 7 to be exact.
Bobby Bluebeetle and Cave Dweller are both riding high after some strong outings, and they will look to continue their hot streak. Nuber should be back on the lanes after a strong debut last Thursday, and Dutch rolled his first good game of the year last week, after a crazy, and I mean crazy evening:
No wonder the guy has problems with his hips…Whatever works, Dutch.
Guacabowle (-11) v. Strike City – If I were a bong I’d want to be on lanes 15 and 16 tonight to get a ton of action as these two match up for a fun evening of bowling. But then again, Dick Whitman probably hasn’t cleaned his bong in 3 years, so maybe not.
Guac should cruise in this match, but these are great opportunities to get to know more people in our Bowl Portland community. I know Guac will take great advantage of this, and I could see this one going a tad longer than the other matches tonight. A few of them even sat around after the match for a little chit chat:
After seeing that, I may want to lay off the high fives with this crew.
My Balls (-13) v. Lezbowlians – The Lezbowlians get into the crossover game and open with a weird one against My Balls. Due to Covid worries, My Balls will bowl all their games on Lane 18. Lezbowlians will bowl all their games on Lane 20. It’s more like a team practice than a match, and trust me the match goes pretty fast. When we rolled against My Balls, I don’t remember any of their scores, I just watched my team bowl, we added up the scores at the end, and moved on to game 2.
Don’t worry, Tilt, next week against TDYOB we can show you how we do it in A, and keep you out past 9 pm as well.
GOB (-3) v. BUI – This match will be a close one on Friday evening. BUI averaged a 698 last week and lost by a ton, but those scores are very good and will put a scare into GOB. Snapshot had a couple 200s, including a freaking awesome 247! For sure that will be enough to cover Holden Green, but the rest of GOB is also rolling well, so in the end they will get the victory.
Last week GOB tried to build some team spirit with bucket hats for all. And Master Splinter looked like Hey Arnold with that tiny lid on his huge squash. Please do not return that hat to me, Splinter. I beg of you…burn it, but don’t give it back to me.
Bet you all didn’t know G-Unit and Snapshot do some technical customer support stuff for a living. At least I think they do. Here’s what it’s like to ask them questions:
For some reason it feels like this kind of night: