Farmer’s Love Lines

BoPo!!  It’s Valentine’s Day week again!  One of my faves.  First time I wrote the lines was this week about 5 years ago.  And I haven’t stopped since.

Before we start with the lines and this week’s theme, I’d like to do a special shout out to my Bayside Valentine Bowl Murray.  She’s been a great friend and supporter throughout the past year, and I am very thankful for her friendship.  I even found the perfect video to describe our relationship:

Wow, clearly we have issues.  But I also know she laughed out loud to that video, further proving why we are buddies.  Love ya Bowl Murray!!

This week’s lines will take on the form of a radio call in show with requests I solicited from some of you for songs to dedicate to a special someone on their team.  The actual request text is made up by me (which will become obvious as you read them), but the songs are the real requests.  I can just feel the love growing…here we go, I’ll start:

I meet a lot of interesting cats at the lanes, but none more interesting than this guy.  A mixologist, a musician, a pharmacist, and he knows how to cook!  I’m always looking for people who stimulate my mind, and this guy does just that.  Garlic Jones, this is for you:

OK, now that we got the drift, onto the first match:                                                

Leisure Rolls (-1) v. Guacabowle – Upset alert!  Guacabowle is now dealing with an injury to Mitch Cumstein that ends his season, so I will take Leisure Rolls in a close one.  Boomhammer may not be able to make it to the match, he has some drywall work to finish over by lane 1, but they still squeak out a win.  For those who don’t know the story, ask him about his 7-10 split last week.

Farmer, I’d like to send out this tune to my best friend and favorite teammate Mo $.  Her kindness, generosity, and excellent painting skills have brought me tremendous joy.  Would you please play “Loving You is Sweeter Than Ever” by Susan Tedeschi?  It’s my ring tone when she calls me, and always brings a smile to my face.  Sincerely, Magic.

Is it me or is it getting dusty in here?  Don’t worry, they aren’t all sappy.

LOS (-13) v. Bowl Trolls – I am rooting for Bowl Trolls to get a point tonight against LOS.  Those LOS guys are all rolling exceptionally well, but hey, you never know. 

Farmer, I’d never met a woman who made me want to learn to Pas de Bourree, and then Strike Dancer entered my life.  I can’t wait to marry her this summer, and I just wanted to say she will always be first position in my life.  Would you please play “Cherry Wine” by Hozier for me?  Thank you, Double Cheese.

DHD (-13) v. Pinups – DHD gets to play a B team this week, and I think they cruise to an easy win.  Pinups have some BoPo old timers, though, so show some respect to your BoPo elders DHD!  Be sure to show them a good time tonight.

Farmer, the first time I had ‘relations’ with my future husband, this song was playing and to this day when I hear it I know we’re going to have an excellent evening (wink wink).  It brings such a smile to my face to think back to our youth when all we did was talk and bang and talk and bang.  Get some takeout, and then talk and bang some more.  Will you please play “Black Hole Sun” by Soundgarden?  And because my dad may read this, please use our alias names, so this goes out from “Christine” to “Tim”.  Thanks.

BUI (-3) v. Hexy’s Hooligans – Eventually BUI will get some wins to correspond to their great scores, right?  Right?  Snapshot continues to stay on fire, he had another 230 last week, and is sitting pretty in top 10 of averages.  Top 7 if you don’t count LOS. Hey Flatline, can you move the LOS stats to the Tuesday page?

Flatline’s job will be to cover Snapshot, and if he does, Hexy has a great chance at a win.  But it’s really hard for me to overlook the big advantage BUI has in team average. 

Farmer, all of us on the Hooligans are forever grateful to Hexy for pulling us into the Bowl Portland community.  We have, to a person, all had a great time and met a bunch of new, fun people.  We all wanted to dedicate this tune to the best captain in BoPo, Hexy:

Average Bros (-13) v. Strike City – Average Bros, meet Strike City.  Strike City, Average Bros.  Now that we have the formalities out of the way, I hope you all enjoy three tons of Miller Lite and enjoy bowling tonight.

Farmer, do you think I’m the kind of guy who would request a song for some other person?  Go fuck yourself.  Hugs and Kisses, Dentist

OK, no tune for this match…

GOB (-3) v. My Balls – GOB gets the unique experience of rolling only on lane 20 this week, and I think they will be just fine and get the job done tonight against My Balls.  One thing I am very confident in is that they will be done first. 

I was hoping to get a song dedication from Cygnus to Luna for the lines this week, but they were out of there so fast I didn’t see them last week.  So this one is fake and is from Luna to Cygnus.  But it’s still a good one.

Farmer, I have had two remarkably vivid fever dreams in my lifetime.  In the first one, I am a space traveler drawn into the gravity of a Black Hole, helpless against the pull of gravity by such a strong force.  I remember waking from that dream, chugging some Pedialyte, and falling back into slumber.  I immediately seemed to have re-joined my dream, and I emerged from the Black Hole to see mythical gods fighting between logical and emotional thought.  Somehow, I was able to create a sort of peace between the two, and balance was restored.  It makes me think of the incredibly strong pull of my love for my man, and the Balance he provides me.  Will you please play “Cygus X-1” for my man?  Best, Luna.

OK, but fair warning, everyone, the two parts to this tune are almost 30 minutes long:

TDYOB (-1) v. Lezbowlians – a Friday night delight!  I am super psyched to hang and roll with the Lezbowlians.  They are always a fun bunch, so I expect a real dance party at this match.  Especially if Hungus plays, umm, dance music.

I have this line pretty close, and for good reason.  I have it on good authority that the entire TDYOB squad will be extra loose for this match, drifting past flowers that grow so incredibly high…so we may be rolling some interesting scores.  But hey, crazy shit can happen on a Friday night.  And it will for TDYOB.  Uber going to be busy at Bayside after this one.

Farmer, first let me say that you are looking damn sexy these days.  I’m not into guys, but I like what I see. I’d like to send a song to my partner Tilt-A-Whirl.  She has always brought such happiness and joy into my life, and for the record, she looks better in a powder blue tux than you ever have.

First things first, thank you for the kind words Ollie Bubba.  Here’s your tune for Tilt:

And here is all of TDYOB Friday Night:

Let me close with a tune for my real lady.  Mrs. Farmer is a bad mama jama.  She’s smart, strong, creative, fun, and lets me go lose my mind each week at Bayside.  She runs her own business while defeating breast cancer all while being trapped in a house with me for the past year.  She’s an amazing mom to our 2 kids, and has always been such a positive force in my life.

This was my freaking wedding song, and it just reeks of the 90’s.  The printed GAP shirt on Mike Mills (pretty sure I owned that exact shirt), Michael Stipe’s bucket hat with the snaps (definitely owned that hat), just everything about it reminds me of the early 90’s.  And my wedding. And my lady.

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