Last Lines

All sorts of milestones this week in BoPo.  Final regular season games, capping a season we all weren’t sure about, but we made it through an early scare and made it!  Playoffs starting Tuesday, capping with the finals on April 17.  King and Queenshit and Doubles qualifying ongoing.  And rumor has it there will be a podcast recorded this Friday!!!  And I am pretty sure that is not an April Fools joke.

Lots to be settled this evening.  Many teams can have very different playoff routes depending on how the results go.  My team is currently matched up with Oddballs on Tuesday, and I am very much hoping to change that tonight.  Of course, it’s also the last week of the season, so we shouldn’t expect to be rolling at peak performance.  I do hope you and your team’s go out with a big party tonight…..I know I will!

Special thanks to Hungus and all the Bayside staff for creating a safe and super fun environment for us all.  Winters are tough in Maine.  Covid winters are ever tougher, but having Thursday nights (Or sometimes Fridays or Sundays) to look forward to has made a huge difference for this prognosticator.  And thank you to everyone who rolls on Thursdays for making it the most fun night of the week.  Again.  

Last thing, thanks to all of you for reading these.  Even though many of you probably think this:

On to the matches.

BUI (-5) v. Tattoos and Titties – BUI carries a 90 pin team average advantage into this match, and that matters.  Tats will get some points, but BUI will get the win.  Even that hippy Whiskey Pete, who I think has stated he’s not getting a haircut until he gets a 225 in league, has contributed big this year.  And Snapshot keeps doing Snapshot things (which this year means good things), so they get the win.

Tats and Tits have had a big squad, and I think they’d like Greg to roll a bit more, but it will really be up Hambone, Train Conductor and Spare Me to roll well and steal some points from G Unit or Animal.   Train Conductor always describes his nights at the lanes the same:

A win may cause a log jam with lots of other teams at 5-7, so big playoff implications in this one.

Bowl Trolls (-5) v. Strike City – All systems go for Bowl Trolls as they finalize their prep for the B playoffs with a win over Strike City.  Poo Bear, Saavy and Gutterslut represent too much firepower for Strike City tonight.  I’d even wager a dollar that The Fuge gets his points tonight.

Strike City has had what I would call a hugely successful season.  They have a fun crew of people who showed up every week to bowl and laugh.  Or, put another way:

Crazy to think he died at the age of 24.  So young.

GOB (-7) v. Touch My Xcitement – GOB needs a win and a little help to try to get 2nd on Thursday, and they will do their part tonight to move to 10-2 on the season and are in good shape for the playoff run.

The four bowlers on Touch had no room for anyone not to show, so all are proud recipients of the Perfect Attendance Award this season.  They, along with Lil’Rusty if he rolls all three, will be among the few who have rolled all 36 games in a BoPo season.  Touch will not have met the qualification standards to play in the playoffs (unless Hungus has given them an exemption from the 2-lady rule), but safe to say they got their money’s worth this season.

Holden hasn’t gotten great video love this season, so maybe this will make it up to him.  Here he is after his latest “incident”:

I think GOB will make some noise in the playoffs.  Their first round match could be any number of teams, will be fun to see how this plays out tonight.

LOS (-5) v. Leisure Rolls – This one is on lanes 7 and 8, where Cheese has 2 bricks this season.  Cheese has also overtaken Badger for top Thursday average, so he has plenty to play for.  Precious and Putt Stuff have had great seasons as well, which should send Leisure into the playoffs on a loss.  Leisure will end up either 6 or 7th for Thursday.  Which means another Thursday team to start the playoffs.

Special shout out to Mo $ who has drank the Peloton Kool-Aid and is now a new member of the cult.  She has reportedly professed a love of bicycle crunches and would love to go dancing with Cody.  And she’s getting super fit to boot!  You are going to crush that half marathon, Mo $!

LOS will be doing a team celebration this weekend at Cheese’s place.  Here’s Putt Putt over at Cheese’s place as Cheese prepares the grill:


Lezbowlians (-3) v. Pinups – The late season surge of Bowl Trolls is getting a lot of press, but Lezbowlians can take the Thursday B crown with a win tonight, and I think they win a close one with the Pinups and secure a Thursday playoff game next week.

Tilt-A-Whirl and Niner will battle for top points.  Lil’ Lane Master and Malcom will have to hold off Lil’ Mo Ink and Keglinger for middle points.  But it will be the mix of Stayfree, Beaver, Slither of Oz, MacBalls, and Here for the Beer (love the name!) that will settle the match.  I’ll take Lezbolians by a little for the number 1 Thursday B seed.

Y&B2 (-3) v DHD – Imagine this.  You are 8-2.  Your team average is within 10 pins of a 700.  You score over 10 points a match.  And it all adds up to 5th place on a Thursday??  That is the fate of DHD this season.  The talent on Thursday continues to rise.  Those kind of numbers would have been good for top 3 easy any other year.

Y&B2 are a Tuesday team masquerading as a Thursday squad.  Wow, these guys and gals are good.  Four of the top 12 averages on Thursday are from this team.  And all four top the highest average on DHD…remind me again why I made this line only 3 points?  Senator ITZ and La Gatita are doing well and when your bottom points are in the 160/170 range on a bad game, you are bound to do very well in this league.

I somewhat feel that I owe an apology to DHD this season.  I never found the right videos to properly celebrate your great spirit and willingness to participate in the tomfoolery that is Bowl Portland.  And so I offer this from Doc Moose’s first date with Lil’ Pickle:

Not sure who G Force’s friend was, but do not fuck with those guys.

Looks like the date went well, though:

Guacabowle (-1) v. TDYOB – Another team with an average near 700, and Guacabowle can’t even get a 500 record?

This match is happening on lanes 19 and 20.  For those not familiar, you go past the front desk, take a left and walk until the music seems quiet, then go a little farther, and you’ll find it.  Should be a fantastic party to close out the year.

Seems like one of those season’s for Guac.  Definitely are rolling well enough to win, but somehow are ending up on the losing end of it.  After the loss of Mitch, they actually improved their averages, but do not have the results to show for it.  Badger has been amazing all year.  The guy has 2 games under 200 all season.  Not sure if bowling on lane 20 will bother him or not, but either way you can pencil him in for 2 great scores.  Sparetime and Cilantro have also had good seasons, and Dick Whitman has been, well, Dick Whitman.  Add in Bonita and Smash, not sure how they are 5-6.  I do think they pull it off tonight, though, and get to 6-6.

TDYOB has been a goofy mess all year, but every once in a while the plan comes together for this team.  And tonight just might be that night.  I do know it’s starting off in spectacular fashion with a team dinner at Tron’s, where street tacos and guac will be featured on the menu.  Stealing a page from Spare of the Dog.  Add in the usual pre-game antics, and safe to say Bork will be arriving ready to roll.  Tron has been posting monster practice scores, but the pre-games are impacting his game results.  Maybe tonight he lays off and crushes it?  Yeah right….give me Guac in a close one.

Farmer, are you trying to motivate your team by picking them to lose?  Here’s what Guac thinks of the nice things I said about them and this line:

Well, not the first time I got run over by a train…

Let’s finish this right, BoPo!  Check out these video surveys of all of BoPo, some hilarious stuff in there:

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