Hey now! Where has the time gone?? Already closing in on the end of the season with only two weeks left to go before the playoffs! Been a blast so far, lets keep it up. As the brilliant Lauryn Hill said, “After Winter, Must Come Spring”, and we are certainly in that transition now. BoPo playoffs, vaccinations on the rise (including one for yours truly….I’m half way to invincible!), thoughts turning to golf a little bit, and I am looking forward to a taco and a beer on the roof!
I missed last week on a visit to the beach….was amazing to get out of town and enjoy some hot weather, sunshine, and the company of my lady. Read a couple books (Cold Millions and Cherry, thanks for asking), slept way later than normal, ‘twas a great trip indeed. Quick round of two truths and a lie about my trip (is that even a thing anymore? Who cares, answer at the bottom).1. I went swimming in the ocean, where the water was surprisingly warmer than it ever gets in Maine2. I ate Alligator, and found it to be rather over-rated…it did not taste like chicken3. I acquired a ring that also doubles as a bottle opener
This is not how my trip went:
Jeez, some of that has not aged well.
OK, lets get to the lines for this weeks matches. Happy to see the B teams get to beat up on each other again. This is what it must have been like for some of the B teams to pull matches with LOS or GOB or Y&B2. Evening starts nice enough, but then:
Woah, that shit can ruin an evening quick! Lets get started.
Leisure Rolls (-3) v. Average Bros – Sorry, but any team that can lose to TDYOB can definitely lose to Leisure Rolls. It’s looking likely that Leisure will lock themselves into the 6 spot for Thursday A and end up playing another Thursday team for the playoffs prelims. Which, let’s face it, sounds a hell of a lot better than playing a Tuesday team.
Leisure Rolls have a lot of steady bowlers, but usually don’t put up those super huge games. If they post some biggies, they can run away with it. But more likely they utilize their mid-level depth to get the points they need for the win.
Average Bros have some very skilled bowlers. And they also have The Dentist. Ba Dum Tss. Their large squad can lead to some monster games and some games that can cost them all 5 points. I see on the schedule that this match is on lanes 1 and 2, and with the madness of Bork that will be on lane 3, you know that Bald Eagle (Friends call him Beagle) will be distracted as hell, trying to figure out when to yell “5 in the rear” or “Coupe De Ville”, or maybe even “Monorail”, so pencil him in for an interesting game. I did a little research and got a clip of Keanu Revs and Bald Eagle introducing themselves to their new team, led by none other than their newest, bestest buddy, and big toe,Soccer Dad:
BUI (-5) v. TDYOB – Farmer, how can you pick against your squad? You guys are ahead of them in the standings! Are you sure about this one?
Yes, yes I am. To paraphrase Bald Eagle, I usually don’t pick the other team, but when I do it’s unusual. I am going with the team that has over 80 pins on average against TDYOB. That seems like a lot to this prognosticator, so look for BUI to take over 10th on Thursday with the win. Snapshot is rocking free bowling and dropped a 279 this week. The entire BUI crew is averaging over a 150 (including Whiskey Pete!), so one bad game by any Borker and the points are headed to BUI. And trust me, TDYOB has plenty of potential to have a bad game. Take a look at Dutch and Farmer at their pre-game:
To say nothing of Bowl Murray:
Maybe I made the line a little small on this one…
******** MATCH OF THE NIGHT ********
LOS (-3) v. GOB – Winner of this match gets the #1 seed for Thursday, barring some weird shit happening next week. Kudos to the Commish for scheduling this match a) next to my match and b) late in the season. A real barn burner here.
With Garlic on the IR due to rolling 136 frames a day on vacation (imagine that, back gets fucked up rolling non-stop….who knew?), I believe former prognosticator Doctor Thunder said it best, “Garlic just won LOS the league”. That may sound harsh, and frankly, most of what he says sounds a little harsh, but having Cheese, Precious, and Putt Stuff bowl all three games is a formidable lineup. Add in Mama D, and it will be too much for GOB tonight.
This takes nothing away from GOB, they are stacked and should enjoy a deep playoff run. All four dudes are looking great, and the ladies ain’t too shabby either. I know they’d beat most anyone any given night, but this evening LOS gets the win and the top seed for Thursday.
But hey, Spare-O, second seed on Thursday is pretty good:
OK, OK, take it easy, bro! Jeez, somebody’s sensitive today…
Y&B2 (-7) v. Hexy’s Hooligans – You know that car crash video from the beginning of the lines? That’s a quick preview for Hexy’s team as well. Last week my team dropped a 701 on Y&B2, and lost total by 158. Their low score was Crackerjack with a 192. That’s tough. Another team with a deep playoff run in them.
I do want to give huge kudos to Crackerjack for rolling a game righty last week against TDYOB. Totally tanked his average, but moves like that embrace the spirit of Bowl Portland, and this guy approves. Now, should be noted that he did this when the result of the match was not in question, and poor guy isn’t battling for Top Dog this season, but to give it a go and have fun with it was awesome. Well done.
Hexy’s Hooligans are a team that someone in the playoffs will not be happy to face. Flatline and Lobsterman both post 200’s on the regular. Tommy Torpedo hasn’t been bowling as much, but still gets a 200 one in three games. If the stars align, they can beat most anyone. Tonight, I just don’t see that happening. Looks like Tommy and Flatline have some explaining to do to Commander Striker:
My Balls (-7) v. Touch My Xcitement – Prolly the best thing I can say about this one is that it will be over early. Enjoy team practice, everyone.
Bowl Trolls (-5) v. Lezbowlians – It pains my heart to pick against the Lezbowlians, but Poo Bear has given me no choice. Dude’s a beast on the lanes and a psycho off of them:
I really can’t believe the shit you can find on YouTube. One of these nights I look forward to meeting Poo and finding out he is nothing like that in real life. I hope. Poo may be getting a lot of press, but don’t forget they also have Savvy and Gutterslutwith awesome averages also. I predict a second Banner for the B Champion this season, and it will either be the Bowl Trolls or Strikes on Tap. I will be pulling for the Thursday team to take it home.
The Lezbowlians are happy to be back playing a B opponent, but sadly they run into a buzz saw tonight. And lasers shooting from any cats mouth (not eyes) won’t be enough to derail to Bowl Trolls Express.
Strike City (-3) v. Pinups – I had the distinct pleasure of rolling against Strike City earlier this season, and I do love that bunch. They are all fun, positive, and Lil’ Rusty and The Brush can bring the heat! When TDYOB cuts me (hey, stranger things have happened), I’ll be submitting an application to join this squad. While I do not predict another 248 for him, I see Lil’ Rusty leading the squad to victory. And I would like to take this opportunity to congratulate Magnus for becoming a dad while we have been locked away. Somebody used his time in quarantine wisely…
Niner and Lil’ Lane Master will have to score well to hold off Strike City. And it will be critical to get the bottom points to stay in it. Pinups will get plenty of points, and will keep it close, but ultimately will fall short tonight.
Strike City have a great high five fireworks move that I am looking to steal for my team. Don’t worry, they can steal some of these:
That high five/fist bump mix-up is a classic Spare-O and Farmer routine. Unbelievable how much we would fuck that up. #ThatsWhyTheyCallItDope
Quiz Answer: I did not go swimming in the ocean, so that’s the lie. Its was hot, and the water was amazingly warm, but I only went in up to my knees or so. The alligator tasted like nothing, seriously chicken has more flavor, and the ring I described came attached to a pair of party pants I bought.
I will close with this one, which is my theme song for the week. I got my first Pfizer shot yesterday, am so glad to be an old guy for once. Like I said, I am half way to invincible…
Maybe I should have gone with this more age appropriate tune:
Trust me, kids, she was H O T hot back in the day.
Thankful Dr. Ring Ding isn’t working at the Expo…stay safe BoPo! Better days ahead!