Draft Week 5 Lines

I was going to take the week off, but then saw there are only eight games. May as well write lines, beats screaming into the void. There’s a Private East UNUM party, so if you’re going through to get your equipment try to blend in with the furniture.

Picks: Last week 7-7 (ouch), Season 17-10

Power 8

1 (1) Must Bowl Faster (4-0)

2 (3) Humboldt Honey (4-0)

3 (7) BBC (4-0)

4 (2) Jucifer (3-1)

5 (3) Dirty Bowling (3-1)

6 (NR) Mamas Maiden Voyage (3-1)

7 (6) Iron Lotus (3-1)

8 (8) Karl & The Gang (2-1)

Early Games

#8 Karl & The Gang (2-1) -1 vs Roll Clarity (1-2): The annual spousal showdown. The Gang blew a 5-0 lead last week to fall from the ranks of the undefeated, with a hobbled Hungus watching helplessly from the bench. Miso Korny basically solidified an all-star spot, but she’s gone this week, no doubt looking ahead to BBC. Roll Clarity got a Spare-O siting, but lost in two before rallying for some late points. With Hungus and Triple G questionable with backs, and Miso gone, things look bleak, but Nuber and Emillioo are also looking like all-star locks, and Spare Me is a hardened criminal who doesn’t take any shit.

Here’s Spare Me driving her hunk Phil (who’s not) Frames home post game

#2 Humboldt Honey (4-0) -1 vs #7 Iron Lotus (3-1): This looks like a barn burner. Iron Lotus is coming off a 1995. No idea who Cruzgirl is but she’s an all-star lock. Nut Sauce s doing Nut Sauce things, and they rallied from 4-6 to 9-6 win. HH took the easier route, winning in two. They actually bowled well in a meaningless 3rd, which is a challenge. Mokiki, nice 224, I see you! I’m going to trust my power rankings and give Honey the nod in a toss-up.

Here are the two teams sharing a friendly postgame at the Studio

#4 Jucifer (3-1) -3 vs Blankets Strike Back (2-1): Playing the role of Linus in this one, Ricky The Rayzr. He’ll backup Crackerjack who’s wondering why he isn’t on the team with Tommy G and Buck Ripcord. Jucifer took a surprise loss, but Tommy only bowled himself once, so it might be a ruse just to shake that undefeated target. Now that it’s out of the way I think they’ll start winning again.

Here’s Tommy on the golf course

Prestige Worldwide (3-1) -3 vs Under Construction (2-2): Flatiline is probably a little miffed his team fell from 4th to unranked after a one point loss, while K&TG stayed in the top 8. Life is full of mysteries. They’ll try to force their way back in, but Foster Kid is firmly in the Who’s Not, while Pale has resurfaced and is leading the Hot list. Pale being himself really changes the ceiling for Bosco’s crew.

Here’s Prestige Worldwide making their pitch to Hungus to get back in the top 8

EDIT: I just saw that Flatline was so pissed about last week’s loss he didn’t even give Bass Pro Shops a win in the standings. Haha, suck it Bass!

Late Games

Cannonball Express (0-3) -1 vs Beans and Franks (1-3): Ok, after 4 weeks, we are down to only three unbeaten teams, and also down to three winless teams (if Flatline ever gives Bass that win). This is one of those picks where I just assume everything balances out eventually, and everyone wins sometime. The top average matchup in this one appears to be Schizo vs T’Mater, and the averages are fairly close throughout. I’ve got no real thoughts on this one, but imagine postgame will look something like this

Man, back to back fart clips. Scraping the bottom of the barrel today.

#6 Mama’s Maiden Voyage (3-1) vs Vintage Vibes (2-2): mama’s family jumped into the top 8 on the heels of a 2030 pin game, crushing B&F 12-3. Vintage Vibes is coming off a strong game of their own to get their record back to .500. Stuffed Crust and Mr. Vintage should have a battle royale at the top, but I’ll give the D fam a slight edge over G Boi and C-Span (really only because I want to justify my rankings).

Here’s Mama when Sonny offers his suggestions on the lineup

Perfect 10’s (0-4) -1 vs What’s Yo Name (1-3): As I wrote before, when it doubt, assume every team will win eventually. Herb’n Pineapple are way overdue. The number one pick in the draft is bowling as expected, but he needs a win or two to stay motivated. NessQuick will motivate her team with the back of her hand if necessary, reminding them that this is a must win if they want to stay in the playoff chase.

Here’s Nessquick pregaming

LAST ONE! Thank God

Moose Knuckle (3-1) -1 vs Bass Pro Shots (1-2): I’ll give BPS the win they earned last week. They have now lost 7.5-7.5, 8-7, and won 8-7, so expect another close one. The Knucklers pulled off the huge win over Jucifer last week and look to keep their momentum. Moose himself has a couple 2-hundos and The Leg is currently the top Moon lady. BPS has Redbush and JOhio looking to sneak into all-star positions. Perhaps another late night roll-off. (walk-off)

Here’s Squatch vs Tommy Torpedo giving it their all in the tiebreaker