Ok, it’s Sunday night already. I feel fairly confident I won’t get 15 games written up. Let’s see what happens. They’ll definitely be short.
This is the final week of qualifying for all-stars, so we’ll start lining up the teams based on stats after Tuesday. That gives us plenty of time to get commitments from the players.
Picks: Last Week 6-2, season 23-12
Power 8
- (1) Must Bowl Faster (4-0)
- (3) BBC (4-0)
- (4) Jucifer (4-1)
- (7) Iron Lotus (4-1)
- (2) Fly Like A Kegel (4-1)
- (NR) Prestige Worldwide (4-1)
- (8) Karl & The Gang (3-1)
- (5) Dirty Bowling (3-1)
Early Games
#4 Iron Lotus (3-1) -5 vs What’s Yo Name (1-4): When I first started these lines a few weeks ago I was saying Nessquick ‘didn’t fuck around’ and also mentioning Nut Sauce was ‘struggling’ so she was going to start putting in extra work. Well, WYN has proceeded to get kicked around, and Iron Lotus just won a battle with formerly undefeated Fly Like A Kegel to soar up the power rankings. Life come’s at you fast. Shout out last week’s hottest of the hot, the ironically named Cold Drew.
Here’s a recap of Iron Lotus’ 0-5, 5-0, 3-2 win over FLAK
#5 Fly Like A Kegel (4-1) -3 vs Bass Pro Shots (1-3): Bass is trying to build a new team after an unprecedented back to back titles. FLAK is just trying to get back on track after losing a heavyweight bout. I know it’s silly to count Bass out, but I think FLAK is extra hungry after their loss.
Quick shot of the lanes around 8:15
10’s (1-4) -1 vs Vintage Vibes (3-2): Upset alert! I called the 10s last week and like a terrible gambler I’m doubling down. Here’s Mr. Vintage talking to me about my ‘problem’.
Ball Barians (2-2) -3 vs Fisher Price (2-2): Quick, what team has the second best average in the league? NOPE! It’s Ball Barians. Now Gag’non Balls just needs to grab a win to get his team some attention. Fisher Price has yet to name her team, I think she’s the final hold out. Don’t let anyone push you around Fisher, way to stay true to yourself!
Here’s Ball Barians nearing the big time, getting that extra attention. Check us out!
Under Construction (1-4) -1 vs Beans & Franks (1-4): Desperation match! The playoffs are a long shot already for both squads but a loss feels like a knockout blow. I kind of want to call a bowloff here, either way expect fighting and scrapping to stay alive.
What I imagine it might look like…
Disco Turkeys (1-3) -1 vs Turn & Burn (0-4): These teams come in with identical team averages. Last week was a big week for the winless squads, but I feel like that was a moment in time, and if Farmer is back the Turkeys win this one and leave T&B alone in the basement.
Here’s Deputy in the basement after postgaming with Farmer
6:30 Games
#8 Dirty Bowling (3-1) -1 vs High Fives Good Vibes (3-1): This might be game of the week if not for a certain Bayside staff showdown. Roadhouse probably wondering why they fell three spots on a bye week. Simple answer – recency bias. HFGV have been a bit under the radar but now find themselves in a battle for the division lead. They’ve got no one on the top page of averages, but have a lot of camraderie and flair.
Here’s HFGV bonding with Dirty Bowling over a shared love of dance
Roll Clarity (1-3) -1 vs Grateful Deadwoods (2-2): RC really should have beat my squad last week, just missing the winning pin by a hair, so maybe this is a makeup call. No idea if Diesel will have a new name after the bye week. Anyone catch DDJ at the Ryder Cup this week? He probably won’t do that in tie dye.
Mama’s Maiden Voyage (3-2) -3 vs Cannonball Express (1-3): I may have hyped the Mamas a little too much last week, but I still think they’re a dangerous team that will get back on track here. Megalodon really needs to go full sea monster here before the season sails away from him.
Here’s Mama’s new glass after taming the Megaladon
#3 Jucifer (4-1) -3 vs #6 Prestige Worldwide (4-1): Well, clearly I didn’t read ahead. This would probably be the alternate game of the week, or really the actual game of the week were I not self centered. Jucifer, as expected, got back to winning after their sandbagging loss. 10-1 here they come! Prestige is hot, and forced their way into the Power 8, but this is a rough draw.
Here’s Jucifer’s Buck and Gunz showing us the total pins they’ll get every frame
Late Games!
Moose Knuckles (3-2) -1 vs Blankets Strike Back (2-2): These are two teams that feel like they are going to ruin someone’s season in the first round of the playoffs. MK does have a win over Jucifer already. Blankets didn’t win with fake Linus but they get the real deal back this week. It’s going to be a battle but I think Doc will have his squad ready.
Here’s the Hot List’s Tommy Torpedo and Only Fans getting them ready
#1 Must Bowl Faster (4-0) -5 vs Magic’s Gathering (2-2): Glossy’s a different kind of Captain than Gunz and I don’t think he’s going to try to get a loss as a smokescreen the same way. I think he’s confident he can run the table behind his Adonis, Phil Frames. I don’t know how to play Magic but if he has it, maybe he can play some sort of wild boar card.
Here’s Swanny trying to console Phil after the game if my prediction is wrong
#2 BBC (4-0) -1 vs #7 Karl & The Gang (3-1): Well, well, well. This is a Bayside showdown, and also could be a game for the division title. Gravy has both eyes back and he’s kept his team focused even as he’s had this game circled on the kitchen calendar. Giojuana’s ready for BBC to show out. The game could come down to injuries, though. Old ass Hungus and Triple G have both been grinding through back injuries and now the top average in the match Leggo My Greggo has a smashed up toe. This should be a back and forth affair, with BBC grabbing a lot of top points and The Gang grabbing the 3s and 4s. Spare Me is shockingly the Gang’s lowest average, at 127th out of 184, so she is due for a breakout game and she wont be intimidated, she’s been familiar with BBC since high school. Miso Korny is back for this one too, giving Karl one more ace up his sleeve, but Gravy’s crew wants this one just a little but extra. 8-7.
Here’s a broke Hungus trying to fit in at the BBC after party
Lucky Strikes 2 (1-3) -1 vs Cakeballs 8 (2-2): I feel like Beer Hunter drafted a lot of people I wanted, so his 1-3 record is my alternate reality. This week The Hunter needs to become The Hunter, and take matters into his own hand. Cakeballs has the GOB-stoppers, Squeaky and Couch, both with higher averages than anyone on Strikes, but I see Nugget breaking out for the more desperate 1-3 squad.
Here’s Beer Hunter arguing with me over draft picks
AND FINALLY!!!!!
Putt’s Deli (1-3) -3 vs Time Out (1-3): Man, having 14 teams on bye last week really made me forget a lot of you. Who knew Putt was in Draft league, and 1-3 at that? What the hell? I do remember Time Out since they beat my team’s ass. So, transitive property, if Time Out beat me, and I’m picking Putt to beat them, and I forgot Putt was in the league, do I even exist? Deep thoughts at the end of a long list of lines.