Thunder Has Something To Say

587 missed BoPo King Shit cutoff by 67 pins. Here I am next Friday night right before closing spending another $15 at #callthefrontdesk. 
Dumb and Dumber- So youre telling me theres a chance
Dumb and Dumber- So youre telling me theres a chanceBy FullMovieJacket

Good luck to LOS and SKOL tomorrow. As T$ would say good luck to everybody. To which I say, sorry Fake Dan Bailey (Viking), Fake Dan Bailey’s lady (Viqueen), Mrs. Brady, Gunz, and Frankie love ya, but THUUUUUUUUURSDDDAYY!!!!  As the Twin Towers would say, “Prepare to be crushed!”  Sorry it’s nothing personal, Doc just a Thursday guy at heart.  
Going to be one hell of a match.  Now to handicap the match LOS – 3 over SKOL:Defending champs SKOL looking to win back to titles. 2020 league got shut down due to Blovid. When it reconvened not everyone was in. TDYOB wasn’t which is probably why they all have new tattoos depicting their BoPo XIII title. Being a Bucs fan I know a thing or two about being a Champion.  Glad my hometown squad gave Tom Brady a chance to do it the right way.  Sorry for the tangent. SKOL social distance celebrated the hell out of the title. A close knit team of friends that care about each other. Every single member got a tattoo to commerate when they won the title. That’s BoPo as hell.  Automatic didn’t make it back for the season and they brought in ringer supereme to join his wife in Frankie Abralon.  Both are an inspiration when it comes to hard work and they bring a lot to the league.  Frankie also brings about 500 balls to the lanes, a ball rep and ball coach, #letsgetradical and then he absolute murders the left side of the lane.  The guy is an absolute ace.  Puts in the work takes the game seriously. Gunz is basically his twin brother, but on the right side of the lane. The guy can make any shot.  He is a silent assassin on the lanes, and he can transition and find a line as well as anyone in the league. Viking won’t kick your dog, but he will kick the hell out of the ball return. This poor bastard is a Vikings fan, if he treats TVs like ball returns he goes through 6-10 TVs a year. Most recent when Dan Bailey helped my team win a Super Bowl essentially. Viqueen is a big game roller. She’s a proven winner, steps up in big moments, and frankly is someone I admire and look to when it comes to the way she thinks, and how she approaches her life.  Mrs. Brady is still in love eventhough Tom left her for the Bucs. Brutal. Not only did he curb her Pats, they also got a divorce. Name change episode, word on street is Mrs. Brady returns to BoPo XV as Mrs. Abralon or Mrs. Newton to be determined. She is also an absolute ace on the lanes, that works hard at the game, knows the game and can handle the bright lights of a COVID safe BoPo finals.  That leaves my spirit animal T$. This cat got into the league via the smack board. Created an avatar. Picture of him flexing his bicep muscle but all you saw was the arm.  Sorry folks I’m a meathead for life, that was love at first sight for Doc.  Then I read the post this is as close to a direct quote as it gets, “I used to be one of the best yourh bowlers of all time.  Looking for a team.”  This was before the real big ringer explosion and when the board was hot. I probably laid some snarky smack on that. He landed on Rufio’s team and rolled a 280 on us. This when we were all rolling 150s, which I still do by the way.  Zero shame in Doc’s game. As I got to know T$ we went to similar schools, have similar tastes in music and you won’t meet a finer guy around. Just a real great addition to the league for a long time on and off the lanes. A real Renaissance person.  And this year my spirit animal took it to another level.  As they have gone on this title defense run. By the way no one has taken them to 3 games in playoffs.  We beat OC in 2 in 2012 quarters I went 223 game 2 and we ruined their lives. Those moron twins had to join my old squad this year because of it. Still don’t belive they are twins by the way.  Sorry got off track again. So T$ has been hitting the smack hard. Holding the door for people. Wishing everyone good luck. Some of it has appeared to be a tad backhanded. Went and blew up the Commish day after he got shit out playoffs.  “Good luck in doubles Bro!”  Man after my own heart.  Honestly I’m gonna get a signed poster of T$, dude loves Belle and Sebastian like myself, loves to smack talk Hungus, which I too love, and has a smooth ass roll. This is a loaded team. They are on fire.  They are hellbent on defending said title, getting a second tattoo which reads “Greatest Pandemic Bowling Team of All-Time Bowl Portland Champs 2020, 2021 SKOL good luck in doubles” yeah Viking told me that in the Mezzaine last night when he came up to brag about making the finals again. We had some laughs. He left. Frankie no shit sat down in his seat and started bragging about the same thing. Had a good conversation I was like I got the hell out of here before the next SKOL teammates is like “I gotta tell you Thunder.”  So I go downstairs and post up on rail and swear on anything here comes Tommy Gunz “I gotta tell you Thunder……”. Oh my God!!!!!!  
no one cares
no one caresBy hi im haash

Good luck guys. Would not be sad to see you repeat. Great team. Great group, but you know Doc is a THURSDAY guy, and not to mention rooftop sessions homie the Notorious Double Cheese 🧀 is running 2008 first season Bowl Portland original team LOS.   So while I’m not rooting against ya SKOL my heart lies with LOS.  I think I picked them to win finals over BEER but who really knows. Precious is the only remaining original member. And when I said Hungus and Jerk, admitting could be forgetting someone, are the only two Yankee Lane rollers competing with the big dogs. Wrong. Big ommision, Precious has never gotten the credit for being a homegrown BoPo ace. Dude put in work. When I played him 2010 he was like rolling 150 and 160 which back then made you King Shit, but he is one of the most improved bowlers in the history of Bowl Portland and has become an absolute ace. He is the hammer in the four hole. Always plays to win. Has put in the work and every time LOS needs a big strike and Precious is lining up I start to feel sorrow for the pins. Then he goes into it and right when it hits the lane you know it’s a strike and those pins are going to get hit hard AF.  Guy is a winner and I love watching him bowl. Also sporting new ink. It’s so much fun watching from the Mezz because you see the shape of the ball as it hits the lanes picks up speed and turns. Watching LOS from up top last night they all play different lines and take different routes to the pocket with similar 983 results team low 222.  And if I am being honest they had 1000 in their grasps but Putt Putt let missed 300 pursuit throw him off for a bit. Amazing display of bowling. If Mezz open tomorrow night watch Precious throw his first ball. Rips it across the lanes and shreds the rack. 
LOS isn’t shy, they play to win. Have a fun regular season, absolutely stomp a mudhole in Thursday’s ass, play everyone, get them playoff eligible. And when Playoffs roll around they play to win. Garlic doesn’t know this, but his back seized on him because at the last team dinner they had some fun. Garlic took a “nap” then they hit him across the back with a baseball bat.  It was for the team. Person lost Rosham did the bat work. Hasn’t been confirmed who it was, but word on the street sounds like it was Mama D.  Another rumor swirling is Garlic knew he was going to get Shithawked so he went full Neymar took a dive on the lanes went off in stretcher, sold it so he could say I didn’t get shithawked if I didn’t blow my back out we get that 1000.  Sorry Garlic bummer man get better soon, but get your ring finger sized homie because you could have a title coming tonight.  Play or not, the team wins every person on that team wins. No team wins without contributions from the entire team. Great addition to BoPo and LOS. Garlic helped me get through the early part of the pandemic. Checking in on me, checking on my mental health. A great person who will get that bowling game back together on BARE next year and take a run at Trolls in finals. That’s if he gets cut which is certainly on the table when you go full Vlade Divac on lanes. Man I wish I was there for that. I would have been dying laughing and heckling hell out of him. I was getting text updates and they were making my day. Then the Commish dumped on my parade, “Take it down a notch Doc the guy just left in an ambulance and may not make it.”  Get well homie, I love you, and dude just stop I’m never going to watch “The Wire” bro. Strike Dancer is so freaking awesome. She took Cheese down like 500 notches. This guy used to have problems with the ball return, “perv road” name change episode “party row”, and the front desk. There was a bit when I said someone was running hot, I said they were “pulling a cheese” so SD thank you.  They aren’t here without Strike Dancer. She actually just beat me head to head today.  Two handed bowler getting coached by her fiancé nonstop. It’s exhausting then he started coaching me and her at same time. I was like this sucks huh. She’s like “dude I live with him. When I’m dicing an onion he is like ‘okay babe you want a little less tension in the forearm, a little different angle, and let it roll off your hand.”   Strike Dancer my wife knows your pain but it was about frisbee not bowling. Munson coached the Bork ladies and they all hated him for it. SD has also decided to sit it out and let them roll four strong. That leaves them in order Putt Putt, Mama D, Double Cheese, and Precious. They beat Shake and Bake in 3 they went 832, 810, and an all-time league high 983. It was utterly insane. Putt Putt (Mr. Rogers) went like 236 Mama 222 Cheese 269 full Gronk, and Precious like 256.  I was going to leave because after 3 to 4 frames they had Shake and Bake beat.  Shake came out a little slow and basically everyone on LOS was XXXX and then I was like wow need to hang in see our first 1000. No disrespect it should have been. Truly amazing rolling. Inside info they did this on lanes 3/4. Finals going to be lanes 3/4.  As someone who went 236 on lane 3 today those are some hot lanes. I picked this team to win because they have the 4 strongest 4-some in league.  Putt Putt #mrrogers is an absolute assassin. He has one of the smoothest rolls in the league, and he’s one of the best and nicest guys in the league.  Real genuine good human being. As the ringer movement took full bore Putt Putt was the biggest Free Agent signing in the midst of it all. Everytime he bowls in a big game the floor is 235. Mama D is a freaking legend!   An absolute ace. Bowling savant. She is one step ahead of you and the lanes. Actually the biggest free agent signings Mama D and Putt Putt. Cheese is like Nuber I love you bro. Sorry just took one of your best bowlers no offense. One of the coldest moves in history of the league. Which I love. My squad traded a dude this year. He declined went and failed his physical on purpose and then signed elsewhere.  As I have always said all is fair in love and war.  That move has paid off in Bitcoin, whatever the hell that is.  Mama has one of the smoothest rolls in league. Down and in right when it leaves her hand destination pocket. Then Cheese what can I say I love this dude, and he is a killer on the lanes.  Dude can bowl. Another self made BoPo guy who showed up in cleats in 2012, he bought that whole it’s a sport thing, cost his team right off the bat. Which lead to my squad making our only semis. Like I said love you bro!   Then he put in the work and oh my did he ever!  Guy probably $200K deep at the lanes and it led to two bricks this year in the shortest period of time in history of Bayside Bowl circa 2011!   They have 4 aces. Already told you what Precious does.  SKOL is no pushover but in end I think LOS has more fire power but SKOL will not go down in 2.  I hope. I’m a 3 game guy. Love the drama. Last time a team didn’t go down in 2 to LOS they rolled a 983 on them, so be careful what you wish for. 
Props to the Bayside Bowl, their staff, and the BoPo community for doing this the right way and keeping everyone safe. Wearing masks. When folks got sick they were transparent and let everyone know. Quarantined if they needed to.  It was a really impressive showing and for us that sat it out we missed it. Peanut Gutter, Fabio, Two Dogs, Munson list goes on we talked about it all the time.  You all pulled off a really fun and cool thing in really trying times when folks needed an outlet. Respect. Let’s do it right one more time tonight.  Keep those masks up, crown a new champ, have some fun, tip the staff well, and get loose. #BoPoXIV#BowlingBall

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Hope You Enjoy Words

Spring weather is here early, the days are getting long, and BoPo playoffs are in full swing.  Things are really starting to look up, and the bowling pressure is up too.

A huge slate of games tonight, and some teams with legit title aspirations will get knocked out before we even reach the quarterfinals.

B Quarterfinal

Lesbowlians (5-7) -1 vs B.A.R.E. (7-6): This should be a classic.  BARE has already faced the playoff pressure with an exciting win over BILF Tuesday.  They were a lifeboat for players whose teams folded this year, and Big Party and Pineapple have helped the cause.  Sticky got a chance to shake off the Hawaii rust Tuesday, and McEnroll has been a beast.  Don’t sleep on Marbles who got a league 200 this year and has been solid throughout.  The Lesbowlians are a franchise in their 13th season.  They clinched their first ever division title this year and they know they have an opportunity to do more.  The right side of the bracket is wide open with the four highest average teams all on the other half.  Tilt, Keglinger and the gang have a legit shot at a finals appearance and with all the work they’ve put in over the years I don’t think they’ll let that get away from them.  It should be very close again, but I think Lesbowlians punch the first ticket to the B semis.

A Prelims

Leisure Rolls (7-6) -7 vs Tattoos and Titties (3-9):  I’ll save the longer writeups for the Sweet 16 games, but schedule flukes give us a couple of prelim games tonight as well.  The Rolls had some huge wins and some surprising blowout losses.  They are fairly unpredictable.  I am willing to predict this win however.  T&T are stronger than some of their previous seasons, and I bet Greggoppolo finds his way into the match, but they will have a hard time hanging.  Magic always gets the most out of his team in the playoffs and I expect the same this year.

BUI (5-7) -1 vs Guacabowle (6-6):  This is a sneaky great matchup, and I’ve been talked into picking BUI because it’s the year of Snapshot.  He has had a breakout season, won free bowling, and otherwise dominated life.  He’s got solid depth behind him in G Unit and Thunderwood, and Ruby has quietly posted a 154 average.  Guac has the higher ceiling of the two.  Badger has been lights out and finished with a 220 average!  Sparetime has been posting tons of 250s in practice but hasn’t yet brought them to league night.  Cumstein isn’t walking through that door, as the saying goes.  Bonita will need to be solid, but it kind of comes down to Cilantro and Dicky Dubs.  I wouldn’t be at all surprised for them to prove me wrong in this one, but Guac just seems a little snakebit.  So, year of Snapshot vs little bit snakebit = BUI (barely).

A Sweet 16 matches

LOS (13-0) -5 XXX Club (3-9): Let’s start off with the favorites.  The 2021 LOS squad are looking to be the first undefeated champion since 2009 Binga’s and lock in their place as best BoPo team of all time.  They lost in the semis by one pin in heartbreaking fashion last year and came back with a vengeance.  Three guys over 208 average, and all-star Mama D rounding out an insane starting lineup.  Strike Dancer has improved all year, and Garlic Jones will be watching the playoffs from the bench with a back injury for the ages (he found a way to get the whole West side to himself for a few hours at least).  Even with their regular season dominance, however, they won’t have a single pushover on their way to a banner.  First up, XXX Club.  The Club finally broke through with a title in 2018 after a bunch of close calls.  They have the top bowler in the league in Ripcord who averaged a nasty 235 this year.  Roadhouse is emerging from his season long cocoon and starting to bowl like his old self.  Bora is rock solid, Juice is making his BoPo playoff debut.  Herk is the wildcard..before Tuesday he had been tearing it up.  He’ll need to hang with the giants in this one to pull an upset.  This is a great battle between championship franchises, and he Cheese vs Buck battles will be epic, but LOS is on a mission.  Albany Style Angela, Valley Girl Jess, and Hot Mango Mike will have a to wait a bit to pop those champagne corks.

Shake N Bake (7-6) -3 vs My Balls (10-2):  My Balls had a pretty remarkable season finishing in third place on Thursday by a few points over GOB.  Free agent signing Jr Hoss panned out and led the team with a 199 average.  They also played Casco Bay style on their own lanes.  They got a taste of league style last week and they’ll get a real test on it tonight vs a powerful Shake crew.  Whammo!  Tango had a monster year for Shake, buying time for Glossy and Squatch to figure stuff out.  Lala continues on her path to becoming one of the dominant women in the league, and D-$ is one of the most underrated dude in BoPo. These guys are deep and strong.  Maybe I’m overrating them after they crushed BEER’s dreams last year, but I think they move into the quarters.

Y&B2 (10-2) -1 vs Oddballs (5-7): Y&B2 pulled out the 2nd seed with a come from behind win over DHD in the last game of the year.  Like LOS, however, their nice regular season didn’t exactly buy them a cakewalk.  The Oddballs are perennial title contenders and finished with the 6th best average in the league.  They can go to toe to toe with anyone.  YB2 took a strong team and got stronger, bringing in Couch and La Gatita.  ITZ has a loaded starting lineup of King Ding Dong (208.5), Couch (202.5) and Crackerjack (19.2) and the real difference maker, All Day Lemay (195).  Oddballs can actually come close to matching that, but Nugget will need to be at her best.  The matchups in this are going to be pretty insane.  HBK and Cerrano have been lights out, Twisted Tea can be penciled in for 190-210 and Brooklyn looked to have figured something out Tuesday.  Both teams could make a banner run this season but one of them won’t reach the quarters…ouch.  Maybe we’ll get the first bowloff of the entire season. 

BEER (7-6) vs GOB (10-2): I’m too close to this one.  No prediction other than lots of alcohol and sidebets.

Last Lines

All sorts of milestones this week in BoPo.  Final regular season games, capping a season we all weren’t sure about, but we made it through an early scare and made it!  Playoffs starting Tuesday, capping with the finals on April 17.  King and Queenshit and Doubles qualifying ongoing.  And rumor has it there will be a podcast recorded this Friday!!!  And I am pretty sure that is not an April Fools joke.

Lots to be settled this evening.  Many teams can have very different playoff routes depending on how the results go.  My team is currently matched up with Oddballs on Tuesday, and I am very much hoping to change that tonight.  Of course, it’s also the last week of the season, so we shouldn’t expect to be rolling at peak performance.  I do hope you and your team’s go out with a big party tonight…..I know I will!

Special thanks to Hungus and all the Bayside staff for creating a safe and super fun environment for us all.  Winters are tough in Maine.  Covid winters are ever tougher, but having Thursday nights (Or sometimes Fridays or Sundays) to look forward to has made a huge difference for this prognosticator.  And thank you to everyone who rolls on Thursdays for making it the most fun night of the week.  Again.  

Last thing, thanks to all of you for reading these.  Even though many of you probably think this:

On to the matches.

BUI (-5) v. Tattoos and Titties – BUI carries a 90 pin team average advantage into this match, and that matters.  Tats will get some points, but BUI will get the win.  Even that hippy Whiskey Pete, who I think has stated he’s not getting a haircut until he gets a 225 in league, has contributed big this year.  And Snapshot keeps doing Snapshot things (which this year means good things), so they get the win.

Tats and Tits have had a big squad, and I think they’d like Greg to roll a bit more, but it will really be up Hambone, Train Conductor and Spare Me to roll well and steal some points from G Unit or Animal.   Train Conductor always describes his nights at the lanes the same:

A win may cause a log jam with lots of other teams at 5-7, so big playoff implications in this one.

Bowl Trolls (-5) v. Strike City – All systems go for Bowl Trolls as they finalize their prep for the B playoffs with a win over Strike City.  Poo Bear, Saavy and Gutterslut represent too much firepower for Strike City tonight.  I’d even wager a dollar that The Fuge gets his points tonight.

Strike City has had what I would call a hugely successful season.  They have a fun crew of people who showed up every week to bowl and laugh.  Or, put another way:

Crazy to think he died at the age of 24.  So young.

GOB (-7) v. Touch My Xcitement – GOB needs a win and a little help to try to get 2nd on Thursday, and they will do their part tonight to move to 10-2 on the season and are in good shape for the playoff run.

The four bowlers on Touch had no room for anyone not to show, so all are proud recipients of the Perfect Attendance Award this season.  They, along with Lil’Rusty if he rolls all three, will be among the few who have rolled all 36 games in a BoPo season.  Touch will not have met the qualification standards to play in the playoffs (unless Hungus has given them an exemption from the 2-lady rule), but safe to say they got their money’s worth this season.

Holden hasn’t gotten great video love this season, so maybe this will make it up to him.  Here he is after his latest “incident”:

I think GOB will make some noise in the playoffs.  Their first round match could be any number of teams, will be fun to see how this plays out tonight.

LOS (-5) v. Leisure Rolls – This one is on lanes 7 and 8, where Cheese has 2 bricks this season.  Cheese has also overtaken Badger for top Thursday average, so he has plenty to play for.  Precious and Putt Stuff have had great seasons as well, which should send Leisure into the playoffs on a loss.  Leisure will end up either 6 or 7th for Thursday.  Which means another Thursday team to start the playoffs.

Special shout out to Mo $ who has drank the Peloton Kool-Aid and is now a new member of the cult.  She has reportedly professed a love of bicycle crunches and would love to go dancing with Cody.  And she’s getting super fit to boot!  You are going to crush that half marathon, Mo $!

LOS will be doing a team celebration this weekend at Cheese’s place.  Here’s Putt Putt over at Cheese’s place as Cheese prepares the grill:


Lezbowlians (-3) v. Pinups – The late season surge of Bowl Trolls is getting a lot of press, but Lezbowlians can take the Thursday B crown with a win tonight, and I think they win a close one with the Pinups and secure a Thursday playoff game next week.

Tilt-A-Whirl and Niner will battle for top points.  Lil’ Lane Master and Malcom will have to hold off Lil’ Mo Ink and Keglinger for middle points.  But it will be the mix of Stayfree, Beaver, Slither of Oz, MacBalls, and Here for the Beer (love the name!) that will settle the match.  I’ll take Lezbolians by a little for the number 1 Thursday B seed.

Y&B2 (-3) v DHD – Imagine this.  You are 8-2.  Your team average is within 10 pins of a 700.  You score over 10 points a match.  And it all adds up to 5th place on a Thursday??  That is the fate of DHD this season.  The talent on Thursday continues to rise.  Those kind of numbers would have been good for top 3 easy any other year.

Y&B2 are a Tuesday team masquerading as a Thursday squad.  Wow, these guys and gals are good.  Four of the top 12 averages on Thursday are from this team.  And all four top the highest average on DHD…remind me again why I made this line only 3 points?  Senator ITZ and La Gatita are doing well and when your bottom points are in the 160/170 range on a bad game, you are bound to do very well in this league.

I somewhat feel that I owe an apology to DHD this season.  I never found the right videos to properly celebrate your great spirit and willingness to participate in the tomfoolery that is Bowl Portland.  And so I offer this from Doc Moose’s first date with Lil’ Pickle:

Not sure who G Force’s friend was, but do not fuck with those guys.

Looks like the date went well, though:

Guacabowle (-1) v. TDYOB – Another team with an average near 700, and Guacabowle can’t even get a 500 record?

This match is happening on lanes 19 and 20.  For those not familiar, you go past the front desk, take a left and walk until the music seems quiet, then go a little farther, and you’ll find it.  Should be a fantastic party to close out the year.

Seems like one of those season’s for Guac.  Definitely are rolling well enough to win, but somehow are ending up on the losing end of it.  After the loss of Mitch, they actually improved their averages, but do not have the results to show for it.  Badger has been amazing all year.  The guy has 2 games under 200 all season.  Not sure if bowling on lane 20 will bother him or not, but either way you can pencil him in for 2 great scores.  Sparetime and Cilantro have also had good seasons, and Dick Whitman has been, well, Dick Whitman.  Add in Bonita and Smash, not sure how they are 5-6.  I do think they pull it off tonight, though, and get to 6-6.

TDYOB has been a goofy mess all year, but every once in a while the plan comes together for this team.  And tonight just might be that night.  I do know it’s starting off in spectacular fashion with a team dinner at Tron’s, where street tacos and guac will be featured on the menu.  Stealing a page from Spare of the Dog.  Add in the usual pre-game antics, and safe to say Bork will be arriving ready to roll.  Tron has been posting monster practice scores, but the pre-games are impacting his game results.  Maybe tonight he lays off and crushes it?  Yeah right….give me Guac in a close one.

Farmer, are you trying to motivate your team by picking them to lose?  Here’s what Guac thinks of the nice things I said about them and this line:

Well, not the first time I got run over by a train…

Let’s finish this right, BoPo!  Check out these video surveys of all of BoPo, some hilarious stuff in there:

Penultimate Thursday

Hey now!  Where has the time gone??  Already closing in on the end of the season with only two weeks left to go before the playoffs! Been a blast so far, lets keep it up.  As the brilliant Lauryn Hill said, “After Winter, Must Come Spring”, and we are certainly in that transition now.  BoPo playoffs, vaccinations on the rise (including one for yours truly….I’m half way to invincible!), thoughts turning to golf a little bit, and I am looking forward to a taco and a beer on the roof!

I missed last week on a visit to the beach….was amazing to get out of town and enjoy some hot weather, sunshine, and the company of my lady.  Read a couple books (Cold Millions and Cherry, thanks for asking), slept way later than normal, ‘twas a great trip indeed.  Quick round of two truths and a lie about my trip (is that even a thing anymore?  Who cares, answer at the bottom).1. I went swimming in the ocean, where the water was surprisingly warmer than it ever gets in Maine2. I ate Alligator, and found it to be rather over-rated…it did not taste like chicken3. I acquired a ring that also doubles as a bottle opener

This is not how my trip went:

Jeez, some of that has not aged well.

OK, lets get to the lines for this weeks matches.  Happy to see the B teams get to beat up on each other again.  This is what it must have been like for some of the B teams to pull matches with LOS or GOB or Y&B2.  Evening starts nice enough, but then:

Woah, that shit can ruin an evening quick!  Lets get started.

Leisure Rolls (-3) v. Average Bros – Sorry, but any team that can lose to TDYOB can definitely lose to Leisure Rolls.  It’s looking likely that Leisure will lock themselves into the 6 spot for Thursday A and end up playing another Thursday team for the playoffs prelims.  Which, let’s face it, sounds a hell of a lot better than playing a Tuesday team.

Leisure Rolls have a lot of steady bowlers, but usually don’t put up those super huge games.  If they post some biggies, they can run away with it.  But more likely they utilize their mid-level depth to get the points they need for the win.

Average Bros have some very skilled bowlers.  And they also have The Dentist.  Ba Dum Tss.  Their large squad can lead to some monster games and some games that can cost them all 5 points.  I see on the schedule that this match is on lanes 1 and 2, and with the madness of Bork that will be on lane 3, you know that Bald Eagle (Friends call him Beagle) will be distracted as hell, trying to figure out when to yell “5 in the rear” or “Coupe De Ville”, or maybe even “Monorail”, so pencil him in for an interesting game.  I did a little research and got a clip of Keanu Revs and Bald Eagle introducing themselves to their new team, led by none other than their newest, bestest buddy, and big toe,Soccer Dad:

BUI (-5) v. TDYOB – Farmer, how can you pick against your squad?  You guys are ahead of them in the standings!  Are you sure about this one?  

Yes, yes I am.  To paraphrase Bald Eagle, I usually don’t pick the other team, but when I do it’s unusual.  I am going with the team that has over 80 pins on average against TDYOB.  That seems like a lot to this prognosticator, so look for BUI to take over 10th on Thursday with the win.  Snapshot is rocking free bowling and dropped a 279 this week.  The entire BUI crew is averaging over a 150 (including Whiskey Pete!), so one bad game by any Borker and the points are headed to BUI.  And trust me, TDYOB has plenty of potential to have a bad game.  Take a look at Dutch and Farmer at their pre-game:

To say nothing of Bowl Murray:

Maybe I made the line a little small on this one…

********  MATCH OF THE NIGHT ********

LOS (-3) v. GOB – Winner of this match gets the #1 seed for Thursday, barring some weird shit happening next week.  Kudos to the Commish for scheduling this match a) next to my match and b) late in the season.  A real barn burner here.

With Garlic on the IR due to rolling 136 frames a day on vacation (imagine that, back gets fucked up rolling non-stop….who knew?), I believe former prognosticator Doctor Thunder said it best,  “Garlic just won LOS the league”.  That may sound harsh, and frankly, most of what he says sounds a little harsh, but having Cheese, Precious, and Putt Stuff bowl all three games is a formidable lineup.  Add in Mama D, and it will be too much for GOB tonight.

This takes nothing away from GOB, they are stacked and should enjoy a deep playoff run.  All four dudes are looking great, and the ladies ain’t too shabby either.  I know they’d beat most anyone any given night, but this evening LOS gets the win and the top seed for Thursday.

But hey, Spare-O, second seed on Thursday is pretty good:

OK, OK, take it easy, bro!  Jeez, somebody’s sensitive today…

Y&B2 (-7) v. Hexy’s Hooligans – You know that car crash video from the beginning of the lines?  That’s a quick preview for Hexy’s team as well.  Last week my team dropped a 701 on Y&B2, and lost total by 158.  Their low score was Crackerjack with a 192.  That’s tough.  Another team with a deep playoff run in them.

I do want to give huge kudos to Crackerjack for rolling a game righty last week against TDYOB.  Totally tanked his average, but moves like that embrace the spirit of Bowl Portland, and this guy approves.  Now, should be noted that he did this when the result of the match was not in question, and poor guy isn’t battling for Top Dog this season, but to give it a go and have fun with it was awesome.  Well done.

Hexy’s Hooligans are a team that someone in the playoffs will not be happy to face.  Flatline and Lobsterman both post 200’s on the regular.  Tommy Torpedo hasn’t been bowling as much, but still gets a 200 one in three games.  If the stars align, they can beat most anyone.  Tonight, I just don’t see that happening.  Looks like Tommy and Flatline have some explaining to do to Commander Striker:

My Balls (-7) v. Touch My Xcitement – Prolly the best thing I can say about this one is that it will be over early.  Enjoy team practice, everyone.

Bowl Trolls (-5) v. Lezbowlians – It pains my heart to pick against the Lezbowlians, but Poo Bear has given me no choice.  Dude’s a beast on the lanes and a psycho off of them:

I really can’t believe the shit you can find on YouTube.  One of these nights I look forward to meeting Poo and finding out he is nothing like that in real life.  I hope.   Poo may be getting a lot of press, but don’t forget they also have Savvy and Gutterslutwith awesome averages also.  I predict a second Banner for the B Champion this season, and it will either be the Bowl Trolls or Strikes on Tap.  I will be pulling for the Thursday team to take it home.

The Lezbowlians are happy to be back playing a B opponent, but sadly they run into a buzz saw tonight.  And lasers shooting from any cats mouth (not eyes) won’t be enough to derail to Bowl Trolls Express.

Strike City (-3) v. Pinups – I had the distinct pleasure of rolling against Strike City earlier this season, and I do love that bunch.  They are all fun, positive, and Lil’ Rusty and The Brush can bring the heat!  When TDYOB cuts me (hey, stranger things have happened), I’ll be submitting an application to join this squad.  While I do not predict another 248 for him, I see Lil’ Rusty leading the squad to victory.  And I would like to take this opportunity to congratulate Magnus for becoming a dad while we have been locked away.  Somebody used his time in quarantine wisely…

Niner and Lil’ Lane Master will have to score well to hold off Strike City.  And it will be critical to get the bottom points to stay in it.  Pinups will get plenty of points, and will keep it close, but ultimately will fall short tonight.

Strike City have a great high five fireworks move that I am looking to steal for my team.  Don’t worry, they can steal some of these:

That high five/fist bump mix-up is a classic Spare-O and Farmer routine.  Unbelievable how much we would fuck that up.  #ThatsWhyTheyCallItDope

Quiz Answer:  I did not go swimming in the ocean, so that’s the lie.  Its was hot, and the water was amazingly warm, but I only went in up to my knees or so.  The alligator tasted like nothing, seriously chicken has more flavor, and the ring I described came attached to a pair of party pants I bought.

I will close with this one, which is my theme song for the week.  I got my first Pfizer shot yesterday, am so glad to be an old guy for once.  Like I said, I am half way to invincible…

Maybe I should have gone with this more age appropriate tune:

Trust me, kids, she was H O T hot back in the day.

Thankful Dr. Ring Ding isn’t working at the Expo…stay safe BoPo!  Better days ahead!

Lines?!?! On a Tuesday?

Sitting around on a gorgeous Tuesday morning, listening to XM Fly to get some ideas for tonight’s playlists, and figured ‘what the hell, let’s do write some BoPo lines!’  I’ll be using the “Thunder Farmer video format’.

Game of the Night

Hookers (8-2) -1 vs Strikes on Tap (8-2): The de facto Tuesday B championship game.  Hookers are coming off a spanking of the A side Oddballs.  Goodroll had a 274, and I think Eggroll’s worst score was a 210.  These guys are pretty good, as evidenced by that banner over by lane 9.  They are looking for a repeat, and one of the biggest obstacles is the 2019 champs, Strikes on Tap.  The Cleaner’s crew does it with depth.  Phil Frames and ScrapperJohn give them a strong 1-2 punch but they grab points all over the sheet.  Hookers could have a letdown after their huge sibling showdown upset last week, but they did average around 770 in that match, so…

Here’s LL Cool J having his way against Brooklyn last week.

Skol (10-1) -3 vs Saucy Posse (5-5): Three of the last four banners going at it.  Skol has defended their title well, and look to wrap up the Tuesday A crown with a win.  They do have a bye next week, and then a bye first week of playoffs, so the biggest challenge they’ll face is the layoff.  Frankie A has been a great signing, and Viking has bowled so well he has barely even needed to punch himself in the face.  SauPo is kind of sneaky.  Mid season pickup Stuffed Crust is a 200 machine, and Nut Sauce is Nut Sauce.  When Mater and Walter connect they can beat anyone.  Skol wants this one too much to slip up, as they know one mistake and Binga’s is prepared to pounce for the division crown.  Here’s T-$ interviewing Viking and letting him know however he rolls the ball, it’s…ok.

Body English (5-6) -1 vs Oddballs (3-6): Underachiever bowl!  BEER comes in on a 4 game losing streak, Oddballs are coming off a 13-2 whupping at the hands of a B team.  Someone has to win.  Maybe this will be the first bowloff of the 2021 BoPo season.  BEER will be rolling what I imagined would have been our playoff lineup going into the season, with Brandy making a late season debut, and just Hungus, Mr. Rogers Moore and Herb’n tonight.  The Oddballs have no business being 3-6, but here they are.  This will be a fun one as a couple teams unused to the basement slug it out.  Here are the teams shooting single pin spares.

Bingas (9-1) – 3 vs Shake N Bake (5-5): Hell of a rebound season for the 2009 champs.  Old school in the house!  Jerk, and the crew are 9-1 and with a couple wins and a Skol loss could even grab the Tuesday A crown.  Worst case scenario they grab the 2 seed.  Gutterboy really delivering this year, and Chernobylayne has been her all-star self.  Oh yeah, Tso!  S&B has been a bit up and down, reflected in their .500 record.  They are capable of monster games though.  Tango has had an insane season and Lala is crushing from the left side.  They’ll battle tonight but Binga’s, while I’m not ready to drop the ‘destiny’ word quite yet, looks like they’re at least on a mission.  Here’s Cookie talking to the BoPo cup in the trophy case pre-game. 

Sharks (6-4) -5 vs XXX Club (2-7):  This is weird too.  Buck Ripcord is rocking a 233 average.  That’s pretty good, I hear.  But the Club are sitting at 2-7.  Huh?  Sharks smell blood in the water and can wrap up the three seed with a win tonight.  Sparkles has been skyrocketing up the stats board and will lead them to a big win tonight, and Deputy can get as drunk as he wants with his new shorter commute.  Here’s a preview of Deputy leaving tonight to get home for a phone call with Railroad…pro-tip, use the front door, fewer stairs.

Wrecking Balls (7-3) -3 vs BARE (6-4):  These teams are battling to stay in the top tier of Tuesday B.  Jon McEnroll has led BARE to winning record in a bit of a breakthrough season for the squad.  Captain Sticky picked up a couple COVID castoffs in Big Party and Pineapple and has built himself a nice little crew.  They even got a nice 200 out of Marbles who is rocking a solid average.  The Wreck has bigger goals than the regular season as they can hang with any B team given their depth.  They even crushed an A team this year.  Swanny’s time at the lanes is finally paying off, and Xander is old reliable.  When Biscuit Wheels or the Dude show up they are B title material.  Here’s Big Party performing at his sweet new wedding barn after the loss.

BILF (2-8) -3 vs Whoomp (1-8):  Pretty nice to see these teams both already in the win column.  Only Bowl Thugz winless this year and they have a bye week to reflect on that.  Ouch.  Anyway, Whoomp has been getting huge games from Johnny Castle.  BILF has been a bit more well rounded and team captain Dinah-Mo Humm has been putting in the time at the lanes.  Here he is celebrating the spring weather on his boat with new teammate Smash Jackson.

Farmer Is Back

After a month away from this glorious day of the week, it is so nice to be back bowling on a Thuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuurday!!!!  TDYOB has spent the past month rolling on Fridays, Sundays, Tuesday, and enjoying a bye week, but now we are back and ready to roll.  Maybe.

Sorry not a lot of videos this week, been extremely crazy on the work front.  I will try to do better next time.

Thanks to Flatline for doing the lines, and actually predicting the results correctly.  That’s rarely my goal, but when it is, I’m not as accurate as he was.  Well done….and sorry for your loss last week.

Huge matchups this fine evening, and we’ll get to them later, but we will start with some party matches tonight:

TDYOB (-7) v. Strike City – Much more fun than some of their other A division opponents, and also a lot worse bowlers, so Strike City will be getting some points tonight.  The biggest matchup may be a Stache Pag between Farmer and The Brush for supremacy in the Tom Selleck division.  I give a close edge to yours truly, mostly because I’m not sure what The Brush is packing behind that mask.

Thank you Dr. Fauci.  To be settled this evening.

Tats and Tits (-5) v. Lezbowlians – More I think about it, the less I know about this match.  Tats have some wild swings in performance, and the Lezbowlians may get a bunch, but may not get any points tonight.  Tats are coming off a huge win against Leisure Rolls, though, so maybe they have their lineups figured out. 

Actually, I just realized that every single team in BoPo could accurately be described at Tattoos and Titties.  Who knew?

Touch My Xcitement (-7) v. Pinups – The fearsome foursome of Touch shouldn’t have too much trouble against the Pinups tonight, but sometimes MacBalls busts out a 165, and that will be enough to put a scare into 8-bit.  Potato Thumb will want to perform to keep that average over 170, and I think the vibe will be right for strikes tonight, so pencil him on for a 190 tonight in the win.

Bowl Trolls (-1) v. Hexy’s Hooligans – Last week Flatline fell for the oldest trick in the book, betting on his own team.  Trust me, dude, nobody wears more rose-colored glasses about their team than me, and so I foolishly bet on TDYOB a lot.  Probably why I get so many games wrong when I do the lines.

Bowl Trolls scored an ace in Poo Bear, and Savvy is killing it.  This team’s performance the past month is awesome to see, and I think they get an A scalp to hang on the wall next to their banner from a couple years ago.  Here’s hoping my team doesn’t have to play them….checking schedule…yes!  No match with these guys.

Speaking of Poo Bear, enjoy this disturbing video introducing him to BoPo:

Who knew Pooh could be so jacked?  And his ass cheeks alerted the bees?

I’m not sure you can call it an upset the way they are rolling, but give me the Trolls in a close one.

Y&B2 (-3) v. BUI – I can’t help but smile when I see the standings and see that BUI averages 90 more pins than my team yet they have the same crappy record of 3 wins and 5 losses.  Not sure how that is possible!  Snapshot flirting with a 200 average, Duke over 180, team averaging a 680, yet only three wins?  Sadly, it will stay at three this week after Y&B2 wins in a close but comfortable fashion.

Y&B2 are pretty nasty.  Crackerjack, Kingshit Ding Dong, Couch, and All Day Lemay have rolled 33 200’s this season, and they have a combined average right around an 800.  That’s legit.  And when your second string of ITZ and La Gatita are rolling well also, that’s a very tall order for anyone.  This is a team that can make a deep playoff run.

Average Bros (-1) v. Guacabowle – Picking a slight upset in this one, mostly because I have no idea who on Average Bros will be there but for whatever reason I expect the A Team to show up.  Guacabowle have been on fire, or “en fuego” as they like to say since Mitch’s injury, and really no reason to expect that to stop tonight.  But Average Bros will find a way to pull it out with Keanu Revs busting out a biggie to send Dick Whitman home to his bong to help him turn that frown upside down.

Keanu Revs….great name.  Hits a golf ball a mile, and crushes the gutter off a double strike with regularity.  Great guy.

Cool stat for you and I am willing to bet this would be a BoPo record if it stands:  Badger has had only one game below a 200 all season long.  If he keeps it up, that would have to be some type of record, right?  Has anyone had every game of a BoPo season over 200?  Me thinks not, and I am rooting for him to continue his streak.


GOB (-3) v. DHD – I expect there to be only one undefeated team on Thursday after tonight, and to be honest I think it will be a comfortable win for GOB this evening.  GOB are loaded, they all seem to be rolling well, and are in fact improving their averages on the regular.

DHD has a vaccinated (hopefully?) G-Force leading the way, but eventually that mojo injected in his arm is going to start fucking with his bowling game.  I mean, the guys about the same age as the six-million dollar man…..only without the bionic shit that would come in handy shooting for single pin spares.  For those who have never seen it, here is an amazing clip from that show:

Amazing stuff.  Ripping the arm off of big foot (expertly played by Andre the Giant).  TV in the 70’s….guess you had to be there.

A win by GOB puts them in second for Thursday A, and sets up a possible match for the division title on March 25 (assuming they both win against next week).  Good stuff.

Try not to sprain your neck bobbing to this tune:


Flatline back here for second week of lines. I would like to make note that I was 7-1 last week with my predictions- I’m not sure if Farmer has ever done that in his predicting career!  Ha- totally kidding Farmer. Ok onto a short week as 4 teams have a bye this week- and only a couple matchups that should be really good (sorry everyone else).

Guacabowle vs Bowl Trollz- This one will be a blast to bowl in, and a blast to watch. Both teams are fun and loud (ok maybe just Whitman).. but this will be a great matchup. Bowl Trollz are a really good team- and in the last 3 weeks they have averaged just over 700. Only 4 other teams on Thursday have a 700+ average. Poo Bear & Gutterslut will try to outbowl Badger & Whitman- while the rest will battle for the middle/end points. Badger moved up to #3 in the stats with a 222 average. Badger’s last 5 games: 211, 257, 245, 267 & 268. This one will be closer than your typical A vs B matchup- but Guac will win 9-6.

LOS vs Strike City- Poor Strike City has no idea what is coming. I mean, they probably do but nothing they can do except have fun and watch LOS run laps around them. Strike City needs a miracle. LOS 15-0

Leisure Rolls vs Tattoos & Titties– Tattoos & Titties will be a part of 2 games this week: Game 1 is versus Leisure Rolls and the second game will be “Who will show up this week for T&T?” Leisure Rolls are riding on a 3 game winning streak as they just got past Bowl Trollz last week. Shooter had a great 3rd game last week- and they need more of that as the majority of their team averages are in the 160s. Again this matchup will depend on who shows up for T&T- but I’m predicting Leisure Rolls will take the Dub. Leisure Rolls 11-4.

DHD vs Lezbowlians- It’s been a rough 4 weeks for the Lezbowlians as they have 0 wins and have only taken 4 out of 60 points. Earlier in the year they beat all 3 other B teams so I’m not too concerned for them come playoff time. DHD is still undefeated and Doc Moose is finally starting to put up good scores. G Force & Kingpin took a little bit of a plummet with their averages last week but I don’t see this happening 2 weeks in a row. This will be a fun match between the 2 teams but DHD will remain undefeated.  DHD 12-3

GOB vs Pinups- Just a couple more weeks the Pinups must get through before they start bowling B teams again… This isn’t even a fair matchup as the Pinups need a miracle for anything to happen. My suggestion to anyone on Pinups is to buy them shots every frame until you start winning. Or convince Spare O that he needs to buy shots every frame. Either one will work. GOB 15-0

Hexy’s Hooligans vs My Balls- I’m going to go out on a limb here and say this is the game of the week. Mostly because it is our team and I see an upset coming. Jr. Hoss & Spidey have been bowling well but I think myself, Lobsterman and/or Tommy Torpedo will be able to take them down. My Balls is a deep team and can get points anywhere in the lineup- but I think they will be 1 point short this week. Hexy’s 8-7


Good evening Thursday BOPO! Flatline here.. stepping into Farmer’s shoes for the week to do some predictions… Like Farmer said last week, most picks are based on heart… but I happen to have a ton of stats in front of me…We will call them educated guesses.. Couple big games this week to watch! Again, do not take any of these to heart- as this is just friendly banter.

Thursday Games:

Guacabowle vs LOS: Guac bowled amazing last week without Howie’s Pub. Poor Cumstein sitting there all hobbled up- Can’t do anything but watch and drink.. which is kind of what he does at Howies so it works out well. LOS is LOS: 7 game winning streak, second highest average in all the land, multiple 300 games, you name it; they have it. This will not be easy for LOS as Badger rolled a 267 and a 268 last week. Cilantro also killed it, and I’m assuming Whitman will be back yelling “TEAM OF THE WEEKKK GUACABOWLEEE!!” Guac will get some points, but not enough for the win. LOS 10-5

Leisure Rolls vs Bowl Trolls: At first glance, this should be an easy win for Leisure Rolls. But then again, The Fuge is out recruiting guys the size of WWE wrestlers to win.  Ok maybe just one, Poo Bear- but he happens to be a great bowler. He’s bowled 6 games with 5 of them being 200+, including a 246. They’ve added over 100+ pins to their total pin fall each week since he’s arrived.  On the other side- we have Beer Hunter who is throwing 8 different balls in 2 games – Hey Beer Hunter, URETHANEEEEE… Leisure is just too much for Trolls- Leisure Rolls 10-5.

BUI vs Pinups: Second week in a row BUI is playing a B division team, although last week was not a walk in the park. This one should be a walk in the park… Snapshot will stay around his average, G-Unit will roll well, and Animal has been killing it lately. Add in Hexy’s offspring and you have a well-rounded team. Pinups do have a couple awesome BOPO names: Here for the Beer & Slither of Oz. They in fact will be “here for the beer” as BUI takes them down 13-2.

GOB vs Y&B2- Game of the Week: What a great matchup this will be. We got a little bit of everything here; Half of Moore’s Proshop, couple good lefties (well just CJ) , high THC and BAC levels, and then Holden. This will be the second test in a row for GOB as they beat Sharks last week. This will also be the start of a 2 week stretch for Y&B2 as they face off with SKOL next week. A lot of potential playoff matchups. Like every week for GOB, it will come down to how fucked up they get. Some may argue they roll better with high THC/BAC levels; others argue the opposite. Either way they are bowling one tough team. Will Holden be enough of a distraction for Y&B2? I don’t think so… Y&B2 have 4 bowlers that average 197 or better, including All Day Lemay. GOB has 0. This will be a close one but Y&B2 will pull away with the win. Y&B2 9-6.

Touch Xcite vs Lezbowlians: Another good match this week between these 2 teams. Lezbowlians are coming off a 3 game losing streak and looking to get back into the winning side of things. Touch is also in the same boat- They have lost 2 in a row and want to get a W heading into their bye week. I think Lezbowlians might pull off an upset here. If TAW and LMI can get one of the top 2 points from Potato Thumb or 8 Bit then it will be a potential win for Lez. No one in BOPO has more experience on this pattern than Touch, as every bowler has rolled every game. With that- I am still picking Touch over Lez. Touch 8-7.

Average Bros vs My Balls: Some would say this is a pretty close match up at first glance- but what happened to Average Bros? Where is The Dentist? Soccer Dad came out of retirement this week to make it 9 players on their roster- only 2 players short of a full soccer team. The only consistent thing on that team is Bates Master, Buckeye Booth, Fisher Price & Southpaw show up every week. My Balls have been bowling well lately, as they took down GOB a couple weeks ago. Jr. Hoss & Spidey will be too much for Average Bros to handle this week. Who knows who will show up for Bros but My Balls will move on with the win 10-5.

Sunday Games:

Tattoos & Titties vs DHD: Speaking of bringing a soccer team to a bowling event- T&T have registered 11 bowlers this year! What the…? Only 3 bowlers on their team have rolled over 10 games: Train Conductor, Spare Me and Crowbar! On the other side- DHD is a tight knit group, only 5 bowers on their team, sponsored by Bowler X, and sporting a perfect 6-0 record. DHD is led by the one and only G Force, who is leading his team with a 194 average. This should be a walk in the park for DHD, but it also depends which bowlers are coming for T&T… If Hambone, Queen Elizabeth, & Greggoppolo (who?) show up, it could be a close match. DHD 11-4. Hexy’s Hooligans vs Strike City: Hexy’s team was missing 2 bowlers last week, and somehow bowled the best they have bowled all year. Strike City just continues to get beat up each week- but hey who cares cause every time I look over at them- they are having a blast. Hopefully, everyone shows up Sunday for both teams fresh as a daisy, and not hung over. Lobsterman will have his Tito’s drink ready before he even puts on his bowling shoes. Could be a good Sunday funday for Hex’s team as they have a few beer frames to be fulfilled.  Hexy 11-4