Welcome back! Hope you’ve enjoyed the last four or five weeks of league. I’m back here on election day, only two weeks to go, to give everyone a quick update.
Playoffs! First of all, everyone is going to see some sort of postseason action. The top 8 in each conference (2 division winners, 2nd and 3rd from each division, then 7th an 8th best from each conference) make the big show. All teams will play at 5:30 on November 18th. Don’t fret if you’re outside that elite 16, we have playoff games for everyone. Call it the NIT (not in tournament) or the CBI (cool bowler invitational). On 11/18, at 5:30, each conference’s 15th seed plays its 14th seed in a best of 3 baker. The winners play the 13th seeds at 6:15 in a best of 3 baker. Those winners play the 12th seeds in a best of 3 baker. On 11/25, at the same time at as the semis of the big show, those stepladder winner splay the 11th seeds at 5:30, then the 10th seeds at 6:15, then the 9th seeds at 7:00. During the Draft finals, we’ll also have the CBI finals, a best of 3 baker between the conference stepladder winners. So, if you are the 9th, 10th or 11th seed in either conference your playoffs don’t start until 11/25.
Make sense? Probably not. Lets move on anyway.
While we have no one over 200 avg (wow!) it does look like we have a four way race for Top Dog. Tommy Gunz at 199.9, Herb’n Legend at 199.4, Buck at 198 and Glossy at 197.1 all are in the hunt. My $$ on Terr Bear. Here’s Herb’n Legend celebrating democracy.
OK, well, it’s quarter of 2 already so lets be quick about these
Early Games
Ball-Barians (5-4) -5 vs Lucky Strikes (2-7): Beer Hunter’s team has already punched their ticket to the CBI. Ball Barians have the highest average in the whole Moon conference but need to win at least one more time to make the playoffs. I think they just get it done tonight. Here’s Beer Hunter giving zero fucks after the loss, sitting at the Bayside bar.
Karl & The Gang (7-2) -7 vs Disco Turkeys (1-8): The Turkeys have been circling the losers bracket game since draft night. Poor LL Cool J, really thought things might be different. The Gang keep winning games they have no business winning, last week in a bowloff just as the fungus was wearing off. Luckily here comes Farmer tonight for the refresh! Here’s a view of 5:30, leading all the way up to close tonight
BBC (5-4) -1 vs Cakeballs 8 (5-4): After BBC started straight up, things have started to flatten out. They’ve lost 4 of 5 and now star down a nearly must win game. Cakeballs has flown under the radar but are a win a way from punching a playoff ticket.
BBC and Cakeballs, in a nutshell.
Vintage Vibes (6-3) -1 vs Moose Knuckle (5-4): Man, when I was last writing, Fly Like A Kegel was winning the division, and I thought they were just keeping it warm for Jucifer. Instead, we have these two battling for the division lead tonight. We know how this goes, given actual footage of Mr. Vintage hunting down Moose.
6:30 games
Just doing lines here…
Putt’s Deli (5-4) -5 vs Magic’s Gathering (3-6)
Roll Clarity (3-6) -1 vs High 5s Good Vibes (5-4)
Grateful Deadwoods (7-2) -1 vs Must Bowl Faster (7-2): Ok, quick note on this one. MBF has lost two of three after being the last unbeaten, and the Deadwood’s have been on fire, or at least smoking something. Diesel s even organizing his own Thursday tournaments to dominate in more forums. Meanwhile, Phil got a little too deep into some gummies three weeks ago and hasn’t recovered. I think the GD’s win this one to all but clinch the division title. Here’s Walter and Diesel driving to the lanes and Dick Du Jour catching up with them.
The team is really coming together.
Under Construction (4-5) -3 vs Cannonball Express (2-7)
Fisher Price (5-4) -5 vs Turn & Burn (1-8)
Prestige Worldwide (5-4) -5 vs 10s (3-6)
8:30 Games
Iron Lotus (9-1) -1 vs Mama’s Maiden Voyage (8-2): Game of the Year! These two teams battle for the top overall seed tonight, and finally allow me to meld my two video themes I’ve used for each squad.
Dirty Bowling (7-2) -3 vs Time Out (4-5)
Blankets Strike Back (5-4) -1 vs Bass2Mouth (3-6): Looks like Bass’ 2 year reign of terror is officially over. Look out for them in the CBI. Linus looks to lock up a playoff spot tonight but the old champ won’t make it easy.Here’s Linus dishing out some advice to Crackerjack then showing off his trophy win from tonight.
Fly Like A Kegel (5-4) -1 vs Jucifer (4-5): I still don’t get it. Jucifer has the #1 and #3 bowler in the league, and are a loss away from elimination. I imagine the rest of the league is rooting for Kegel just to keep Jucifer dead and out of the playoffs. Meanwhile, Kegel has boxed themselves into their own corner, and a loss tonight leaves them in a little trouble going int the final week. Here are these two wounded warriors fighting for their lives
Kelly Kabowlski: Eggroll (170 avg) – struggled last week (Not) Preview: MMM Waffles looks to extend their solid season form against a Kelly Kabowlski squad trying to rebound from a rough week. Expect strong opening frames from Waffles’ veterans, while Eggroll will need to shake off last week’s slump to keep the game close.
Roadhouse vs. Glossy Mexican (Lanes 3 & 4) Key Players:
Glossy Mexican: Glossy Mexican (195 avg) – struggling last week (Not) Preview: Both teams have a history of competitive play, but Glossy Mexican’s dip last week gives Roadhouse an early edge. Key will be whether Glossy Mexican’s top bowlers can regain their form, as Roadhouse has been steady on the lanes.
Danny Diesel vs. Putt Putt (Lanes 5 & 6) Key Players:
Danny Diesel: Danny Diesel (165 avg) – needs to improve from last week
Putt Putt: Putt Putt (189 avg) – hot streak (Hot) Preview: Putt Putt enters as favorites with their top bowler on fire, while Danny Diesel must tighten up spares to keep pace. Expect some high-pressure frames mid-game as Putt Putt’s momentum could be the deciding factor.
Bosco vs. NessQuick (Lanes 7 & 8) Key Players:
Bosco: Bosco (142 avg)
NessQuick: NessQuick (132 avg) – recently Hot Preview: Bosco has been solid, but NessQuick’s hot streak could tilt the matchup. Clean frames and avoiding open spares will be critical for both teams in a tight, back-and-forth battle.
6:30 PM Matchups
Humboldt Honey vs. Megalodon (Lanes 9 & 10) Key Players:
Megalodon: Megalodon (138 avg) – slightly below average recently Preview: Humboldt Honey’s steadiness faces a Megalodon team looking to regain form. Early strikes from Honey could force Megalodon to play catch-up, but a hot start from either side may decide the outcome.
Magic vs. Slow Roll (Lanes 11 & 12) Key Players:
Magic: Magic (158 avg) – consistent
Slow Roll: Slow Roll (129 avg) – trending low Preview: Magic holds the advantage on paper with a higher average, but if Slow Roll finds their rhythm, we could see a tight contest. Lane play and spares will be critical.
Linus vs. Mama D (Lanes 13 & 14) Key Players:
Linus: Linus (178 avg) – struggling last week (Not)
Mama D: Stuffed Crust (190 avg) – solid performance (Hot) Preview: Mama D is the team to beat with a top hot performer, while Linus will need a bounce-back game to stay competitive. Expect Mama D to leverage their high series potential early.
8:15 PM Matchups
Cupcake vs. Deputy (Lanes 15 & 16) Key Players:
Cupcake: Cupcake (126 avg) – mid-tier consistency
Deputy: Deputy (182 avg) – strong performer Preview: Deputy is the favorite, but Cupcake’s solid team play could force a close match if they avoid open frames. Key frames in the middle of the game will likely swing the result.
Tommy Gunz vs. Mr. Vintage (Lanes 17 & 18) Key Players:
Tommy Gunz: Tommy Gunz (203 avg) – consistently dominant (Hot)
Mr. Vintage: Mr. Vintage (158 avg) – struggling last week (Not) Preview: Tommy Gunz is nearly unstoppable, and Mr. Vintage has an uphill battle. Expect a high-scoring performance from Tommy Gunz, who could carry the team to a comfortable victory.
King Ding Dong vs. Bass 2 Mouth (Lanes 19 & 20) Key Players:
King Ding Dong: King Ding Dong (170 avg) – hot last week (Hot)
Bass 2 Mouth: Bass 2 Mouth (165 avg) Preview: King Ding Dong’s momentum makes them favorites, while Bass 2 Mouth will need big strikes from key players to stay in contention. Early frames may determine the winner.
Beer Hunter vs. Karl Hungus (Lanes 1 & 2) Key Players:
Beer Hunter: Nugget (159 avg) – hot streak (Hot)
Karl Hungus: Karl Hungus (177 avg) – solid performance Preview: Karl Hungus has the edge with experience and average, but Beer Hunter’s Nugget could disrupt with a few explosive frames. Look for key spares to decide the late game.
Gagnon Balls vs. Sweet Hot Gravy (Lanes 3 & 4) Key Players:
Gagnon Balls: Gagn’on Balls (166 avg) – hot streak (Hot)
Sweet Hot Gravy: Sweet Hot Gravy (160 avg) – struggling last week (Not) Preview: Momentum favors Gagnon Balls, but Sweet Hot Gravy could force a close contest if they shake off last week. Spares and consistent scoring will be the key.
Space Farmer vs. Fisher Price (Lanes 5 & 6) Key Players:
Space Farmer: Space Farmer (156 avg) – consistent
Fisher Price: Fisher Price (143 avg) – struggling recently (Not) Preview: Space Farmer holds a clear edge. Fisher Price will need an exceptional series to challenge, while Space Farmer looks to maintain control throughout.
Nut Sauce: Nut Sauce (193 avg) – consistent scorer Preview: Two strong teams clash, with Nut Sauce slightly higher in average but Flatline entering on a hot streak. Expect a close, high-scoring game with a few frames likely deciding the winner.
Well the all-star game backed up what we’re seeing in the standings, and what you’ll see below in the Power 8: The Sun Conference is the Big Brother right now. It’s a long season, and Moon will still place a team in the Finals, but as of now it’s looking way more like daytime than nighttime.
Picks: Last week 8-5; Overall 39-24
Power 8
(1) Must Bowl Faster (6-0)
(2) Prestige Worldwide (5-1)
(3) Iron Lotus (6-1)
(6) Dirty Bowling (5-1)
(8) Mama’s Maiden Voyage (5-2)
(4) Fly Like A Kegel (5-2)
(NR) Ballbarians (3-3)
(5) Karl & The Gang (4-2)
Playoff Explainer
Reminder on how the playoffs work. Each conference gets 8 playoff teams. The top three in each division get playoff spots, then the 7th and 8th spots are just best record, regardless of division. First tiebreaker is head to head (if two way tie). For division playoff spots, Division record is second tiebreaker. Points is third tiebreaker.
This week’s picks
#8 K&TG (4-2) -1 vs #7 Ballbarians (3-3)
Cakeballs (3-3) -3 vs Disco Turkeys (1-5)
Vintage Vibes (4-2) -3 vs Cannonball Express (1-5)
Magics Gathering (3-3) -3 vs Time Out (1-5)
Jucifer (4-3) -3 vs Under Construction (3-3)
#1 Must Bowl Faster (6-0) -5 vs High 5s Good Vibes (4-2)
Putt’s Deli (3-3) -3 vs Roll Clarity (1-5)
#4 Dirty Bowling (5-1) -1 vs Grateful Deadwoods (4-2)
Moose Knuckles (4-3) -3 vs What’s Yo Name? (2-5)
Fisher Price (3-3) -3 vs Lucky Strikes (2-4)
10s (2-5) -3 vs Beans And Franks (1-6)
#3 Iron Lotus (6-1) -7 vs Bass Pro Shots (1-5)
BBC (4-2) -3 vs Turn & Burn (1-5)
#2 Prestige Worldwide (5-1) -5 vs Blankets Strike Back (3-3)
Ok, it’s Sunday night already. I feel fairly confident I won’t get 15 games written up. Let’s see what happens. They’ll definitely be short.
This is the final week of qualifying for all-stars, so we’ll start lining up the teams based on stats after Tuesday. That gives us plenty of time to get commitments from the players.
Picks: Last Week 6-2, season 23-12
Power 8
(1) Must Bowl Faster (4-0)
(3) BBC (4-0)
(4) Jucifer (4-1)
(7) Iron Lotus (4-1)
(2) Fly Like A Kegel (4-1)
(NR) Prestige Worldwide (4-1)
(8) Karl & The Gang (3-1)
(5) Dirty Bowling (3-1)
Early Games
#4 Iron Lotus (3-1) -5 vs What’s Yo Name (1-4): When I first started these lines a few weeks ago I was saying Nessquick ‘didn’t fuck around’ and also mentioning Nut Sauce was ‘struggling’ so she was going to start putting in extra work. Well, WYN has proceeded to get kicked around, and Iron Lotus just won a battle with formerly undefeated Fly Like A Kegel to soar up the power rankings. Life come’s at you fast. Shout out last week’s hottest of the hot, the ironically named Cold Drew.
Here’s a recap of Iron Lotus’ 0-5, 5-0, 3-2 win over FLAK
#5 Fly Like A Kegel (4-1) -3 vs Bass Pro Shots (1-3): Bass is trying to build a new team after an unprecedented back to back titles. FLAK is just trying to get back on track after losing a heavyweight bout. I know it’s silly to count Bass out, but I think FLAK is extra hungry after their loss.
Quick shot of the lanes around 8:15
10’s (1-4) -1 vs Vintage Vibes (3-2): Upset alert! I called the 10s last week and like a terrible gambler I’m doubling down. Here’s Mr. Vintage talking to me about my ‘problem’.
Ball Barians (2-2) -3 vs Fisher Price (2-2): Quick, what team has the second best average in the league? NOPE! It’s Ball Barians. Now Gag’non Balls just needs to grab a win to get his team some attention. Fisher Price has yet to name her team, I think she’s the final hold out. Don’t let anyone push you around Fisher, way to stay true to yourself!
Here’s Ball Barians nearing the big time, getting that extra attention. Check us out!
Under Construction (1-4) -1 vs Beans & Franks (1-4): Desperation match! The playoffs are a long shot already for both squads but a loss feels like a knockout blow. I kind of want to call a bowloff here, either way expect fighting and scrapping to stay alive.
What I imagine it might look like…
Disco Turkeys (1-3) -1 vs Turn & Burn (0-4): These teams come in with identical team averages. Last week was a big week for the winless squads, but I feel like that was a moment in time, and if Farmer is back the Turkeys win this one and leave T&B alone in the basement.
Here’s Deputy in the basement after postgaming with Farmer
6:30 Games
#8 Dirty Bowling (3-1) -1 vs High Fives Good Vibes (3-1): This might be game of the week if not for a certain Bayside staff showdown. Roadhouse probably wondering why they fell three spots on a bye week. Simple answer – recency bias. HFGV have been a bit under the radar but now find themselves in a battle for the division lead. They’ve got no one on the top page of averages, but have a lot of camraderie and flair.
Here’s HFGV bonding with Dirty Bowling over a shared love of dance
Roll Clarity (1-3) -1 vs Grateful Deadwoods (2-2): RC really should have beat my squad last week, just missing the winning pin by a hair, so maybe this is a makeup call. No idea if Diesel will have a new name after the bye week. Anyone catch DDJ at the Ryder Cup this week? He probably won’t do that in tie dye.
Mama’s Maiden Voyage (3-2) -3 vs Cannonball Express (1-3): I may have hyped the Mamas a little too much last week, but I still think they’re a dangerous team that will get back on track here. Megalodon really needs to go full sea monster here before the season sails away from him.
Here’s Mama’s new glass after taming the Megaladon
#3 Jucifer (4-1) -3 vs #6 Prestige Worldwide (4-1): Well, clearly I didn’t read ahead. This would probably be the alternate game of the week, or really the actual game of the week were I not self centered. Jucifer, as expected, got back to winning after their sandbagging loss. 10-1 here they come! Prestige is hot, and forced their way into the Power 8, but this is a rough draw.
Here’s Jucifer’s Buck and Gunz showing us the total pins they’ll get every frame
Late Games!
Moose Knuckles (3-2) -1 vs Blankets Strike Back (2-2): These are two teams that feel like they are going to ruin someone’s season in the first round of the playoffs. MK does have a win over Jucifer already. Blankets didn’t win with fake Linus but they get the real deal back this week. It’s going to be a battle but I think Doc will have his squad ready.
Here’s the Hot List’s Tommy Torpedo and Only Fans getting them ready
#1 Must Bowl Faster (4-0) -5 vs Magic’s Gathering (2-2): Glossy’s a different kind of Captain than Gunz and I don’t think he’s going to try to get a loss as a smokescreen the same way. I think he’s confident he can run the table behind his Adonis, Phil Frames. I don’t know how to play Magic but if he has it, maybe he can play some sort of wild boar card.
Here’s Swanny trying to console Phil after the game if my prediction is wrong
#2 BBC (4-0) -1 vs #7 Karl & The Gang (3-1): Well, well, well. This is a Bayside showdown, and also could be a game for the division title. Gravy has both eyes back and he’s kept his team focused even as he’s had this game circled on the kitchen calendar. Giojuana’s ready for BBC to show out. The game could come down to injuries, though. Old ass Hungus and Triple G have both been grinding through back injuries and now the top average in the match Leggo My Greggo has a smashed up toe. This should be a back and forth affair, with BBC grabbing a lot of top points and The Gang grabbing the 3s and 4s. Spare Me is shockingly the Gang’s lowest average, at 127th out of 184, so she is due for a breakout game and she wont be intimidated, she’s been familiar with BBC since high school. Miso Korny is back for this one too, giving Karl one more ace up his sleeve, but Gravy’s crew wants this one just a little but extra. 8-7.
Here’s a broke Hungus trying to fit in at the BBC after party
Lucky Strikes 2 (1-3) -1 vs Cakeballs 8 (2-2): I feel like Beer Hunter drafted a lot of people I wanted, so his 1-3 record is my alternate reality. This week The Hunter needs to become The Hunter, and take matters into his own hand. Cakeballs has the GOB-stoppers, Squeaky and Couch, both with higher averages than anyone on Strikes, but I see Nugget breaking out for the more desperate 1-3 squad.
Here’s Beer Hunter arguing with me over draft picks
AND FINALLY!!!!!
Putt’s Deli (1-3) -3 vs Time Out (1-3): Man, having 14 teams on bye last week really made me forget a lot of you. Who knew Putt was in Draft league, and 1-3 at that? What the hell? I do remember Time Out since they beat my team’s ass. So, transitive property, if Time Out beat me, and I’m picking Putt to beat them, and I forgot Putt was in the league, do I even exist? Deep thoughts at the end of a long list of lines.
I was going to take the week off, but then saw there are only eight games. May as well write lines, beats screaming into the void. There’s a Private East UNUM party, so if you’re going through to get your equipment try to blend in with the furniture.
Picks: Last week 7-7 (ouch), Season 17-10
Power 8
1 (1) Must Bowl Faster (4-0)
2 (3) Humboldt Honey (4-0)
3 (7) BBC (4-0)
4 (2) Jucifer (3-1)
5 (3) Dirty Bowling (3-1)
6 (NR) Mamas Maiden Voyage (3-1)
7 (6) Iron Lotus (3-1)
8 (8) Karl & The Gang (2-1)
Early Games
#8 Karl & The Gang (2-1) -1 vs Roll Clarity (1-2): The annual spousal showdown. The Gang blew a 5-0 lead last week to fall from the ranks of the undefeated, with a hobbled Hungus watching helplessly from the bench. Miso Korny basically solidified an all-star spot, but she’s gone this week, no doubt looking ahead to BBC. Roll Clarity got a Spare-O siting, but lost in two before rallying for some late points. With Hungus and Triple G questionable with backs, and Miso gone, things look bleak, but Nuber and Emillioo are also looking like all-star locks, and Spare Me is a hardened criminal who doesn’t take any shit.
Here’s Spare Me driving her hunk Phil (who’s not) Frames home post game
#2 Humboldt Honey (4-0) -1 vs #7 Iron Lotus (3-1): This looks like a barn burner. Iron Lotus is coming off a 1995. No idea who Cruzgirl is but she’s an all-star lock. Nut Sauce s doing Nut Sauce things, and they rallied from 4-6 to 9-6 win. HH took the easier route, winning in two. They actually bowled well in a meaningless 3rd, which is a challenge. Mokiki, nice 224, I see you! I’m going to trust my power rankings and give Honey the nod in a toss-up.
Here are the two teams sharing a friendly postgame at the Studio
#4 Jucifer (3-1) -3 vs Blankets Strike Back (2-1): Playing the role of Linus in this one, Ricky The Rayzr. He’ll backup Crackerjack who’s wondering why he isn’t on the team with Tommy G and Buck Ripcord. Jucifer took a surprise loss, but Tommy only bowled himself once, so it might be a ruse just to shake that undefeated target. Now that it’s out of the way I think they’ll start winning again.
Here’s Tommy on the golf course
Prestige Worldwide (3-1) -3 vs Under Construction (2-2): Flatiline is probably a little miffed his team fell from 4th to unranked after a one point loss, while K&TG stayed in the top 8. Life is full of mysteries. They’ll try to force their way back in, but Foster Kid is firmly in the Who’s Not, while Pale has resurfaced and is leading the Hot list. Pale being himself really changes the ceiling for Bosco’s crew.
Here’s Prestige Worldwide making their pitch to Hungus to get back in the top 8
EDIT: I just saw that Flatline was so pissed about last week’s loss he didn’t even give Bass Pro Shops a win in the standings. Haha, suck it Bass!
Late Games
Cannonball Express (0-3) -1 vs Beans and Franks (1-3): Ok, after 4 weeks, we are down to only three unbeaten teams, and also down to three winless teams (if Flatline ever gives Bass that win). This is one of those picks where I just assume everything balances out eventually, and everyone wins sometime. The top average matchup in this one appears to be Schizo vs T’Mater, and the averages are fairly close throughout. I’ve got no real thoughts on this one, but imagine postgame will look something like this
Man, back to back fart clips. Scraping the bottom of the barrel today.
#6 Mama’s Maiden Voyage (3-1) vs Vintage Vibes (2-2): mama’s family jumped into the top 8 on the heels of a 2030 pin game, crushing B&F 12-3. Vintage Vibes is coming off a strong game of their own to get their record back to .500. Stuffed Crust and Mr. Vintage should have a battle royale at the top, but I’ll give the D fam a slight edge over G Boi and C-Span (really only because I want to justify my rankings).
Here’s Mama when Sonny offers his suggestions on the lineup
Perfect 10’s (0-4) -1 vs What’s Yo Name (1-3): As I wrote before, when it doubt, assume every team will win eventually. Herb’n Pineapple are way overdue. The number one pick in the draft is bowling as expected, but he needs a win or two to stay motivated. NessQuick will motivate her team with the back of her hand if necessary, reminding them that this is a must win if they want to stay in the playoff chase.
Here’s Nessquick pregaming
LAST ONE! Thank God
Moose Knuckle (3-1) -1 vs Bass Pro Shots (1-2): I’ll give BPS the win they earned last week. They have now lost 7.5-7.5, 8-7, and won 8-7, so expect another close one. The Knucklers pulled off the huge win over Jucifer last week and look to keep their momentum. Moose himself has a couple 2-hundos and The Leg is currently the top Moon lady. BPS has Redbush and JOhio looking to sneak into all-star positions. Perhaps another late night roll-off. (walk-off)
Here’s Squatch vs Tommy Torpedo giving it their all in the tiebreaker
Alright I’m not out of gas yet! Lots of things to cover this week so let’s jump into it.
First a quick acknowledgement, Dick Liquor and Dick’s Picks may have been the original repeat Draft name. RIP Dick. There were a few other factual errors last week. As I mentioned, there’s no editing, however feel free to point out the errors in the comments and I will address them the following week. Corrections on Seth Myers Late Night is one of my favorite bits on television, so have at it jackals.
All-Star Game!
This year the all-star game will be held on Thursday October 9th and we’re guaranteed to see a lot of new faces given the format change. Each conference gets 20 players. The top 5 men and women in average from each conference are in. Then it gets interesting. The next 10 players are based on pins above your average on the draft sheet, so it’s wide open. Thanks to Flatline for tracking this stat on BoPo Stats.
Power 8
1 – Must Bowl Faster (3-0)
2 – Jucifer (3-0)
3 – Humboldt Honey (3-0)
4 – Prestige Woldwide (3-0)
5 – Dirty Bowling (3-0)
6 – Iron Lotus (2-1)
7 – BBC (3-0)
8 – Karl & The Gang (2-0)
The Lines
last week’s record: 10-3
Early Games
Prestige Woldwide (3-0) -1 vs Bass Pro Shots (0-2): After back to back Draft League titles and this year’s summer league title, Bass was due for at least a little bad luck. His team is 0-2 with 14.5 points, an almost impossible statistical anomaly. Now after a bye they come back to take on the undefeated division leaders. Oof. Foster Kid led the way for PW last week with a nice 246-223 start, leading to this heartwarming (though suspiciously staged looking) moment of Flatline and Hot Mess making him an official team member
Karl & The Gang (2-0) -5 vs Time Out (0-3): The Gang is groovin, with 13-2 and 12-3 wins to start things off. Emiliooooo had a 220 (and another in CBL Wednesday), and your mom’s favorite bowler (unless she likes BBC) Nuber brought the closing energy. Karl Fungus hopefully won’t be fighting the internet in this one like last week. Time Out got decent scores from Mango and Lone Starr but couldn’t break in to the win column. This week looks like it won’t be any easier.
Here’s Nuber taking that shirt just one button lower and the reaction from Cougar Corner
Magic’s Gathering (2-1) -5 vs Fisher Price (1-2): A shorthanded Gathering got themselves in a big hole last week and couldn’t quite fight back, handing me one of my few wrong picks. Thanks, bro. This week they take on Fisher’s Casco All-Stars, and since Magic is basically the fun uncle of Casco this will be like a family reunion. He won’t let his nieces and nephews beat him.
Here’s Magic deep into telling all these guys about all his Casco championships
Mama D (2-1) -5 vs Beans & Franks (1-2): I have no official data, but I believe most people say Franks & Beans. So why did Ding Dog switch it up? One of life’s little mysteries. Mama D didn’t even bother showing up last week and let her team win 12-3 without her. Made me think of this 2Pac line:
I don’t even know why I’m on this track Y’all [bowlers] ain’t even on my level I’ma let my lil’ homies ride On you bitch-made ass Bad Boy bitches, feel it!
Here’s Mama D’s team walking in this week
Grateful Deadwoods (2-1) -3 vs Disco Turkeys (1-2): RIP Walter’s Dick Pipe, Diesel’s squad has a new name. He managed to make Dick Du Jour super uncomfortable by forcing him to wear tie dye! Space Farmer’s gonna love the shirts though, and this one promises to be one of the better parties on the lanes. LL Cool J still thinks the Turkeys are in it to win, and got them real close to beating BBC. Here he is unsuccessfully trying to psych out a stoic Walter before the game
Dirty Bowling (3-0) -3 vs BBC (3-0): A couple of undefeated squads get after it early. I bet against Roadhouse last week, always a questionable decision. Roadhouse keeps winning with his three simple rules. One, never underestimate your opponent. Expect the unexpected. Two, take it outside. Never start anything inside the bar unless it’s absolutely necessary. And three, be nice. Thanks for keeping it outside the bar. BBC pulled off the narrow win last week to stay undefeated, even with Slick Rick running the show. Rookie of the Year candidate Giojuana had some solid 150s to keep them in the game til leading bowler Greggo finished the job in game 3. I think the streak ends with this one.
Here’s Roadhouse selecting his Draft Team
6:30 Games
Ball-Barians (1-2) -3 vs Roll Clarity (1-1): Not sure how BBs are 1-2, given they have the second best average in the league. Crazy Train and Jr. Hoss are shredding racks. Roll Clarity won a game last week when they were the only match on the East side. This time they will be one of two matches on the West side next to some company party. G Force roared back to life this week, Bayou Steve making a name for himself and GFT posted a 200. These guys are scrappy, but it’s all Ball-Barians nowadays.
Humboldt Honey (3-0) -3 vs What’s Yo Name? (1-2): In one of the more shocking offseason transactions, Jamaican Jerk made the jump to his long time nemesis BEER. Now he’s getting one last run at glory with General Tso. Now Tso is topping the What’s Hot list this week after leading his team to victory last week and a couple of team 700s. I may have put a little extra pressure on Nessquick with the ‘not fucking around’ mantle as they lost a 7-8 nailbiter. At least they got a team cheer out of it! This week looks like another tough climb against her old Draft teammate Jerk and Co.
Here’s one last delicious reminder of the Jerk/Tso partnership feat. Mokiki on synth
Too soon?
Late Games
Must Bowl Faster (3-0) – 9 vs Turn & Burn (0-3): Oh boy, on paper this is the biggest mismatch of the week. MBF is just out of control right now. Glossy is sitting third in average, and the dreamy Phil Frames is leading everyone. Turn & Burn played without Deputy last week, and hope to get the whole squad together this week to play giant killers, but I’m taking the favorites regardless.
Here’s Turn & Burn’s season so far
Putt’s Deli (1-2) -3 vs CakeBalls8 (1-2): The Deli has two folks on the Who’s Not list, and Cakeballs has a Who’s Hot, but I’m not following the trend. I’m curious when exactly ‘trend or trending’ stopped being a perjorative. I’m GenX so anything trendy was shit. I digress. This mouth watering matchup will leave one team fat and happy and one hungry and tired. This whole writeup is going nowhere. Just eat this and let me know who wins.
A moment on the lanes, forever on the brains.
Jucifer (3-0) -3 vs Moose Knuckle (1-2): Doc’s squad will be the latest sacrifice on the temple of Jucifer. For reference, Jucifer’s Ripcord is on the hotlist for averaging 189, which would be good for 12th in the league. C’mon, man. Get these guys some manhattans fast or no one is slowing them down.
Here’s lead Jucifer Tommy Gunz already looking ahead to his Oct. 28 team and giving his team some rules
Only three more to go….You got this Karl! C’mon Karl!
Vintage Vibes (1-2) -1 vs Under Construction (1-2): There are two Draft teams this season with ‘Vibes’ in their name. That’s gotta be good right? I mean, I guess bad vibes is a thing but one of the teams comes right out and says ‘good vibes’ in their name, and ‘vinatge vibes’ feels pretty positive. I’d sure rather hear something has vintage vibes than something is ‘giving vintage’. Bosco and crew will try giving Vintage a loss, but I think these newcomers lose to the old heads.
Here’s Vintage and Gutterboi trying to get the Mona Laudley’s attention on the lanes, after a brief visit to my closet upstairs.
Iron Lotus (2-1) -7 vs Perfect 10’s (0-3): Iron Lotus stopped the bullet, down 5-0, tap tapped and threw it back for a 9-6 win. Now they battle the winless 10s looking to get a win streak going. Herb’n is talking about himself in the 3rd person more and more these days. C’mon Kelso, get this dude a win! I think Iron Lotus takes care of business again, sorta like this dude.
Lucky Strikes (1-2) -1 vs High 5s Good Vibes (2-1): Here’s my upset pick of the week. Lucky Strikes broke through for a win this week and I feel like they may have some momentum. House Shoes 221 was the highlight but solid scores throughout. MMM Waffles crew also won, and the glittery tramp stamps are amazing, drawing the eye toward the ass of each of her bowlers. Between her drat night gear, her team energy and the excellent, flashy uniforms she’d be leading the Captain of the Year contest if there was one for Draft. Hell, maybe there is now. Dirty Lew finally broke out, and Lucky Larry got another 220. All the signs point toward a win, but the last time tuck with a bad bet it worked.
Have a great week, see you on the lanes, and here’s hoping the wireless works next week!
To non bowlers, or maybe even more specifically non-bowling alley owners, Spring is the time for that ‘fresh start’. For me, Spring is like the last step on the plank with my hands tied behind my back, with impending doom awaiting. No, I prefer Fall. I view September as a cool stream that I pull my dehydrated husk of a body up to after a months-long struggle through the desert. Those first few sips reinvigorate me, and perhaps in a moment of overexuberance I think ‘I can do anything!’ Thus, an attempt, again, to bring back what made BoPo BoPo in the first place…the lines. This could easily fizzle out as life takes up all the free space, but for one week anyway it’s the 2010’s again. Let’s get to it.
Earth Division
Late 7&8: Danny Diesel a.k.a. Walter’s Dick Pipe (1-1) -5 vs High 5s Good Vibes (1-1): Coming up with team names is always interesting. Lot’s of repeats this year, as maybe we are all a little worn out from decision making in the chaos of 2025. Diesel tried using AI, and showed me the rejected shirts the computer gods made. Well, the team may have said no but you can’t take an idea that’s been released into the world and bottle it back up entirely, so Walter’s Dick Pipe it is as far as I’m concerned. WDP was missing its Walter and its Dick last week, but I always assume 100% attendance, and they should be more than enough to beat High5s. Lucky Larry is leading the 5s, but he’s outside the top 50. Lare Bear is sitting at 52nd, and is hoping Dirty Lew steps up and takes the ace mantle.
Here’s Diesel asking AI for sweet dance moves to celebrate
Late 5&6: Magic’s Gathering (2-0) -1 vs : Dirty Bowling (2-0): Game of the week! Magic is he original Draft team name re-user, and for good reason. The Magic’s Gathering concept was great and the execution with the annual symbols for each BoPo name…chef’s kiss. The sage has his team undefeated, and looking for a 3-0 start that goes a long way toward locking in a playoff spot early. Dirty Bowling is not a repeat name, but Roadhouse’s fixation on Swayze is as consistent as the tides. He has yet another strong team, though he is without his binky Ripcord. He’s counting on Ochopizzo to find his Draft league mojo.
Here’s Roadhouse and Pizzo remembering there are many paths to the playoffs even if they lose the division
6:30 15&16: Must Bowl Faster (2-0) -1 vs Putt’s Deli (1-1): Another Game of the week caliber matchup here! The Earth division is stacked. All Phil Frames does is win (and resell bowling balls). He may not have his two time defending champ team, but Glossy knew what he was doing throwing this bowling stud at the top of his Draft list, as he sits atop the averages (with Glossy a not too shabby 12th). Putt’s got a strong squad but the gauntlet of Earth Division has him staring down an early season 1-2 record. Based on tournament bowling, Burt may be Phil’s kryptonite, so he’s hoping to have that influence on this one to pull of the slight upset.
Here’s what Burt might be singing in Phil’s backswing
6:30 11&12: Roll Clarity (0-1) -1 vs Time Out (0-2): Can a 2nd game of the season be ‘must win’? Yeah, I think so. The Earth division, as I’ve kept mentioning, is absolutely loaded. This a must win for both of these squads, given the rest of their schedule. Roll Clarity came in discombobulated off the week 1 bye, but Bayou Steve has free bowling and G Force and Spare-O (still defending BoPro-Am champ) will figure out their chemistry. Eggroll is off to a hot start for Time Out but needs a little help.
Here’s Captain Spare-O building that chemistry with G Force and some of his military pals
Water Division
Early 1&2: Humboldt Honey (2-0) -1 vs Moose Knuckle (1-1): Honey’s late 1st round steal of Jerk from Putt really shook up the draft. She then got him his longtime Binga’s teamate Tso and built a tough squad with power couple Ducken/Mokiki and the gambler Vizzini. They are winning with depth, as no one is in the top 35, but 2-0 is 2-0. Moose Knuckles is scoring like crazy but stuck at 1-1. The Leg leads both squads in average and would love to stomp Tso. Doc and Sparkles are also off to strong starts. The more I. look the less I like this pick but with 14 games to cover there’s no way I’m rewriting stuff.
Hungus sticking with his picks
Early 3&4 Tommy Gunz (2-0) -5 vs Cannonball Express (0-2): I guess when you draft Buck you don’t even feel like you need to name your team. To the surprise of no one the Buck&Gunz show is off to a hot start, and they are 2nd and 6th in average, respectively. Tough sledding here for Megalodon and company, who do have a solid average coming in but probably not enough to beat that duo.
Here’s Schizo and Megalodon giving it a run against the young bucks
What’s Yo Name (1-1) -3 vs Under Construction (1-1): Stroker from WYN gave us our first Brick watch of the season (as far as I know, I wasn’t there week 1). It didn’t end great but hell of a game, and he has two teammates in the top 30 with him. Looks like Nessquick knew what she was doing. Bosco is making his draft debut this season and jumped right in to captaining. He’s getting a strong start from Keebler Elf and already has a win under his belt. I think this will make two losses in a row however, as Nessquick isn’t here to fuck around.
Stroker’s 10th frame last week
Air Division
Early 7&8: Mama D (1-1) -5 vs 10s (0-2): Mama was also part of the back to back champs that broke up, and looking to captain her own team back to the promised land. She brought Sonny D and Stuffed Crust along for some solid company. Pineapple also has taken things into her own hands, becoming a Captain and grabbing the Herb’n Legend. Herb’s doing his normal thing, and X-Peej is trying to be his running mate. The internet tells me ‘Air signs know how to get any party started. They can get along with anybody—including those who aren’t part of their social group.’ This game will demonstrate that.
Here’s a clip of the match when, after an awkward start, Herb’n Legend and Mama D arrive
6:30 17&18: Prestige Worldwide (2-0) -5 vs Beans & Franks (1-1): Ok, back to the repeat names thing. There was a Prestige Worldwide before, but none of this crew was on it. To hear Thunder tell it, Prestige Worldwide changed lives. It was a career ending season of debauchery and excess. I don’t see Flatline bringing things to that level, but he has already won more than the old PW probably did. Beans & Franks, huh? I don’t know their story yet. KDD and Mater are off to solid starts but the team average is down in the dumps. They’ll try to keep the new, tamer PW from running away from the division early.
Here’s the only known footage of Dr. Thunder’s Prestige Worldwide Draft team
6:30 19&20: Iron Lotus (1-1) -1 vs Blankets Strike Back (2-0): I keep forgetting to deal with Linus’ schedule request…I’ll see if your opponent can switch. How’s that for fun lines, scheduling info! I may be out of gas here. Pretty sure Nut Sauce is the only top 10 bowler complaining about how they suck on this pattern, so I’ll go with Iron Lotus as the hungrier team.
This is, I imagine, Nut Sauce teaching her Iron Lotus self defense techniques before this shootout
Fire Division
6:30 9&10: Gag’non Balls (2-0) -7 vs Cakeballs8 (0-2): Cupcake has given Magic a run for his money on name reuse, and everyone loves a Cakeball. This year”s squad was missing Couch when we played them, so I didn’t get the whole dessert, just a taste. Bowlin Nolin may have the highest number ever on Flatline’s Mean Girl ‘Who’s Not’ list. Meanwhile rookie Captain Gag’non Balls has his team on fire, undefeated and leading the league in average, behind strong rolling from Crazy Train, Jr Hoss and Splat. Oh wait, Jr Hoss (aka Loveseat) vs Couch!?! Keep JD Vance away from this match!
Late 3&4: BBC (2-0) -9 vs Disco Turkeys (1-1): With their 2-0 start, it looks like BoPo may not have been ready to handle BBC. Greggo has paced them, but Gravy, Duke and White Russian are all off to solid starts. Meanwhile the most engaged rookie in years, Giojuana, continues his climb, proving he belongs with BBC. The Turkeys grabbed a win last week, and LL Cool J has them dreaming of a more competitive season. Space Farmer may or may not want that. They’ll see if they can get their hands around BBC and slow Gravy down.
Here’s Gravy on vacation last week laughing about how his draft plan fell perfectly into place
Late 1&2: Karl & The Gang (1-0) -5 vs Fisher Price (0-2): K&TG is yet another reboot, but since Kool and the Gang had so many eras it only seems natural to run it back at least once. This version may be more of the smooth, 80’s version than the coked out funky 70’s, but there’s some gems in there. Triple G casually rolling 200s in a deep cut purple terry polo will have everybody feeling the soft rock. Then when you let your guard down…BAM, here come the “2 3 Boys”. Fisher took all the names I didn’t recognize in the draft. Looking forward to meeting Gae Gae, Bills and the elusive Professor X.
KT&G coming out for next week’s game with Karl Fungus
See you all on the lanes Tuesday, looking forward to gleaning some info about the teams so I can cover the season better. Hell we even need to do a few Rooftop Sessions. Lets bring back the chatter! Smack board is open and dusty.